|
Menu
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
Choices
Contributed by Nazmythian
on Friday, 5th August 2005 @ 07:19:13 PM AEST
Topic:
short
|
The release of Meridious did not go unnoticed. Several of the ethereal beings sensed his return. They gathered and conspired to return him to captivity. Working together they forced him from the body of Cha’arin. Although they outnumbered him, it was still quite a struggle. Their attempts to restrain Meridious devastated many of the nearby structures. The people who were left to witness the battle, saw only their city falling. They believed the Gods had been angered and were punishing them for D’arrls actions and greed.
Buildings were destroyed. Some structures fell to fire while others were blown apart by wind. Streets were flooded, carrying away many individuals and their possessions as well. As children cried, women screamed and their men battled to salvage what they could.
Trapped within multiple walls of shifting elemental forms, Meridious was finally caught. As punishment for his actions he was again condemned to the planet core. His influence on life would be revoked. He was to be banished to darkness and subjected to the negativity of all things. They would secure his cell and seal it with each of the four elements. Having once again tasted freedom, however brief, he set in motion a means for his recurrent release before the final seal was placed
“Each thousandth time the tale is told
Shall He be released from dreadful hole
To walk the land of flesh and then
Reclaim the lives of two again.”
The hollow raspy voice that spoke the spell, emanated from a man who witnessed the destruction of his beloved city. That same man had been shown what would happen next. His people, lost and leaderless, began to disperse. He had been named their leader. He was supposed to guide them. He stood, broken, unable to move. He was frozen in the exact same spot he had been standing when his brother’s stomach had ruptured. The only change was one of outward appearance. A solitary tear rolled down his cheek.
Cha’arin’s mind never came back, and The People Of The Wind were no more.
The whole idea for this story was spawned from a project that Arden and I began co-writing about six months ago. Due to conflicting schedules we shelved the write. It held on to me though and the eighteen lines we had started ... well they needed a history, a start point. I may pick back up the origional eighteen lines and post them ... maybe even continue them if it appears the need to do is significant enough. There would be more tales available I am certain.
Nazzy ~
Copyright © Nazmythian
... [2005-08-0507:19:13] (Date/Time posted on site)
|
|
<<<<<< Story Index
>>>>>>
Advertisments:
|
|
Story Rating
|
Average Score: 0 Votes: 0
|
|
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment. That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including story
title etc.
|
|
|
Re: People Of The Wind ~ Dispersion (Part 4 of 4)
(User Rating: 1) by Kie-Kie on Sunday, 7th August 2005 @ 03:18:43 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Ok you! I just read all 5 of them :D
You're a wonderful writer... you haven't given yourself enough credit!!
I loved it it was simply wonderful!!! SO vivid and detailed... like I was actually there...
You should write a novel... you could easily be published
Love,
~Kiela~
|
|
|
Re: People Of The Wind ~ Dispersion (Part 4 of 4)
(User Rating: 1) by Kie-Kie on Sunday, 7th August 2005 @ 03:20:12 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
*giggles* Oops I meant all 4... I thought that sounded off when I typed it...
Love,
~Kiela~ |
|
|
Re: People Of The Wind ~ Dispersion (Part 4 of 4)
(User Rating: 1) by Stitch on Wednesday, 10th August 2005 @ 04:36:15 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Nazz, I think what I've just read (and I read it all) is the first outline for what could be a fantastic book.
Stitch |
|
|
Re: People Of The Wind ~ Dispersion (Part 4 of 4)
(User Rating: 1) by Former_Member on Wednesday, 10th August 2005 @ 06:55:50 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I agree with Stitch and Kiela. I think this last portion in and of itself could be added to for a longer tale, as things seemed to happen rather quickly in contrast to the first part of the story that is very relaxed and takes its time with the tale.
Excellent work though - I would like to see this expanded and published. Just the read I needed after a slightly tense afternoon.
So... THANKS! for posting this!
Blessings, J. |
|
|
Re: People Of The Wind ~ Dispersion (Part 4 of 4)
(User Rating: 1) by lovingcritters on Thursday, 11th August 2005 @ 09:08:11 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I don't think you should end this great tale, perhaps you could resurrect someone, or find one left behind so that the civilization of the Wind people could continue..........carry on Naz, please carry on.
I enjoyed every line.
Warm love
consue |
|
|
Re: People Of The Wind ~ Dispersion (Part 4 of 4)
(User Rating: 1) by Former_Member on Friday, 26th August 2005 @ 06:20:58 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I like the overall idea and story. It definately needs to be lengthened in parts.
I see a potential novel series here. This is full of great ideas!!!! |
|
|
Re: People Of The Wind ~ Dispersion (Part 4 of 4)
(User Rating: 1) by Archie on Monday, 19th September 2005 @ 07:25:37 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Okay -FINAL JUDGEMENT TIME- you did a great job on this and I was thoroughly impressed. I wished you had finished it instead of giving it a makeshift eneding. It stands like my story of Romero's quest. I have written 4 complete games from it but was not able to complete the story. I will one day. (I have been working on that story for 22 years. I have one poem posted on site about it. |
|
|
Re: People Of The Wind ~ Dispersion (Part 4 of 4)
(User Rating: 1) by Former_Member on Monday, 26th September 2005 @ 03:39:06 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Wow nazzy! I reserved my comment for the last part, but now that
I am here, I am somewhat speechless. I found the first two parts
spellbinding and exciting. You've got a gift for story telling, as
we've seen by the mastery of your poetry. The third part was gripping!
You've got such an amazing talent for the descriptive. I found
myself flinching at certain parts. ew! But still I was compelled to
read to the end. And what an ending. So sad. So hopeless.
Wonderful read Scott. I have but one word to offer.
Brilliance.
Bravo!
(((((((squeezies))))))
~Breezy
p.s. I call any story I can read in less than half an hour, short! so there!! lol |
|
|
Re: People Of The Wind ~ Dispersion (Part 4 of 4)
(User Rating: 1) by Lashing_Tongue on Tuesday, 25th October 2005 @ 03:05:47 PM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I would have to disagree with those who say that this needs to be lengthened, even in their current forms, your stories are extraordinarily boring. I have no problem with lengthy literature (I read War and Peace) but it has to be able to hold the attention of the reader and give incentive to read further. None of your pieces did either. |
|
|
|