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Palms Of Ice
Contributed by
MysticFireFairy
on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 08:51:29 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Palms OF Ice
Watch Me Makin
Promises not thinkin twice
Running Blind not thinkin nice
Fightin the night
Nothing seems right
Feelin so cold out here all alone
Nobodys eva sposed to be so bold
Like this life growin so old
Makin me groan
Wantin to stone away all the bad memories
Needin a break
Wishin to take somethin not so fake
Give me a Break..!
Dont make me chase these dreams into dusk
Its a must
Now that I've come into this musk
Of Fury and hate
Downin the hush
Feelin a rush as I try to break these chains
Tring to build up the wall
Stone & Soot,Soot & Stone
I just wanna be left alone...
And to go to that home
Were there's always life
and somebodys almsot always home...
Palms OF Ice
Guide me right
Lead me from the night...
Palms OF Ice...
Make me right
Bring me home
So I'm not all alone...
Copyright ©
MysticFireFairy
... [
2005-07-02 20:51:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Palms Of Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 09:09:55 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| i see a lot of inconsistencies with writing. there are forced rhymes, and rhymes used many times that have been used before. a lot of the lines need to be cut out, because they either repeat the same things over, are of no big use to the entire poem itself, or need to be made more poetic. i think the concept could be better portrayed also, ive read this over three times and its just as vaguely seen as the first time through. |
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Re: Palms Of Ice
(User Rating: 1 )
by sprinter27 on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 09:18:05 PM AEST
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a Message)
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nice write, and don't feel alone. i know many people who feel like this, me included. you may feel alone, but know that you aren't. if you need to talk, PM me. good write, keep up the good work & i hope it all works out so you don't feel alone!
~sprints |
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