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~Without You~
Contributed by
zer0_kool
on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 07:35:34 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I almost gave up,
I almost lost hope,
I almost rolled my eyes,
And said; O well no big loss,
But all in all,
I would have to fall,
Right down on my knees,
And ask you please,
Do not give up,
We can work this out,
There is no problem,
That can't be solved,
If i annoy you,
Just let me know,
And i will do my best,
To not do so,
And i have to admit,
It wouldnt be fit,
To live a life,
WITH OUT YOU!!
~BARRY KOTHE~
Copyright ©
zer0_kool
... [
2005-07-02 19:35:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: ~Without You~
(User Rating: 1 )
by bgj on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 07:58:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Good job.
bgj |
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Re: ~Without You~
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jibz on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 07:59:26 PM AEST
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| WOW that is deep! it's sort of like one of those love songs you always hear on the radio. Good job man... carry on |
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Re: ~Without You~
(User Rating: 1 )
by zer0_kool on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 08:13:22 PM AEST
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| Thank you all for commenting....it helps to hear the my poetry is liked....if any one wants to add me on msn my addy is bear_2009@hotmail.com |
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Re: ~Without You~
(User Rating: 1 )
by zer0_kool on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 08:13:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Thank you all for commenting....it helps to hear the my poetry is liked....if any one wants to add me on msn my addy is bear_2009@hotmail.com |
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Re: ~Without You~
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 09:06:04 PM AEST
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I agree, this is a great poem.
~D.S. Hammoulton |
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Re: ~Without You~
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 09:17:27 PM AEST
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| i think this would make better lyrics than poetry. your fourth line struck out most to me, because it was a twist, and you dont often see twists that early. some little things in this i noticed is not using apostrophes or capitalizing the I. without is also one word. there is not a single period. i have to say that ive read many poems like this, and the fact that you surprised me even with one line, shows that you are creative, and id like to see more use of that to make your poetry stand out among others. a good cliche ending of course. |
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Re: ~Without You~
(User Rating: 1 )
by AmyLee4Ever on
Sunday, 3rd July 2005 @ 12:05:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Nice job... this is a well written poem. I want to see if you have anymore. There's talent here... even more than shown..
Jodi |
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