|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Mistake
Contributed by
JustAGirl001
on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 06:46:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
drugabuse
|
She's lean and frail,
stuck here in this jail.
She made a mistake by popping off the lid,
and collided with an innocent kid.
She knows it was wrong,
but she's too late cuz' that kid's gone.
So now she's trapped for 7 years,
all because she drank those beers.
Copyright ©
JustAGirl001
... [
2005-07-02 18:46:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Mistake
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 09:27:36 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
id say that this simple poem is better than the last ive read, simply because it illustrates the concept well and is more professionally written. simple poems are harder to make harder, but you had one part in here,
"She knows it was wrong,
but she's too late cuz' that kid's gone." that made it better. i would say that it's too late, and not she's too late though. you have nice rhymes, though they are borderline on forced. id like to see more substance in your poems, to really portray the topic. sure this was powerful, but you can make it so much more. so all in all, good poem, but the question is was the mistake worth the learning experience? |
|
|
Re: Mistake
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 3rd July 2005 @ 12:15:21 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Sad but well said.
huggs, smiles,
emy |
|
|
Re: Mistake
(User Rating: 1 )
by justme03 on
Tuesday, 5th July 2005 @ 02:39:01 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow u got sum good comments on this one and i agree. u r really shaping up to b an awesome poet and i think u rock! luv ya
~Kortnie~ |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
