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Dr.Jekyl and Me
Contributed by
atticuskrazez
on
Tuesday, 7th January 2003 @ 10:20:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
He comes back sometimes,He stays for a while:
He steals everything from me,my feelings and my smile:
I stare at the mirror and there is nothing there:
Nothing starring back and I don't even care:
Sometimes I feel empty as if the wind could knock me down:
When I've fallen,I lay there hoping no one is around,
One of us needs to leave,but he just goes away:
I know when he's gone,he'll return some other day..
Copyright ©
atticuskrazez
... [
2003-01-07 22:20:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Dr.Jekyl and Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by ghostbear on
Wednesday, 8th January 2003 @ 12:10:27 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Nice concept. Needs cleansing. Place your lines in order of rythmn and verse.
Be more careful with use of punctuation. Use of punctuation and verse construction mean as much to the poem and it's energy as the words-they are the tracks the words run on-try again. I really like the metaphor-give it some work, it deseves it. -ghostbear |
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Re: Dr.Jekyl and Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ash on
Wednesday, 8th January 2003 @ 12:44:09 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| This a beuatiful poem, and it is so true. i know what it's like to look in the mirror and not know yourselfm, and to see nothing worthwhile, or something you don't want to see. I think it flows beautifully, and don;'t worry about the technical stuff. Keep up the good work, i really enjoyed this. |
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Re: Dr.Jekyl and Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sonibe on
Thursday, 9th January 2003 @ 02:15:44 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I know how you feel kid....You feel like a Yin Yang all by yourself, one side Good, the other Evil....Keep up the good work.... |
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