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Struggle
Contributed by
jilted
on
Sunday, 26th June 2005 @ 10:29:31 AM in AEST
Topic:
StoryPoetry
|
I was sitting down at school one day
When some one told me I'd better come right away
They said my older sister was crying uncontrollably
I ran straight away to find her, I knew she needed me
When I got to her, a circle of friends had gathered round
What's the matter I asked, her friends said I'd better sit down
Just tell me what's wrong, did somebody die
Their looks said it all and before they told me it was you I had already begun to cry
No, no, no, this can't be right
I saw him just the other night
You must be mistaken, you have to be
I love him, one day he would marry me
Christian was amazing, he had a heart of pure gold,
Of course I know now it was just a crush, but try telling me that at 13yrs old
I thought my life was over, what was life when you'd lost your soulmate
From that day on I called on death, begging it not to make me wait
Although my life had been far from pleasant before
This hit me harder than anything, I guess it was the last straw
I wanted to end it all, but I couldn't because I felt guilty
My sister was hurting too, I couldn't do it to her, it would've been selfish of me
So I found other way's instead, to release a little pain
I would take anything, to intoxicate and numb my brain
I would get so desperate, there's was nothing I wouldn't do
Once I resorted to sucking on gas from the outdoor BBQ
Then oneday I discovered cutting, after sharpening a nail file
The physical hurt blocked out the emotional pain, if only for a while
It worked quite well at first, a couple here, a couple there
But it got out of control, now I cant hide my scars and people stare
If this were'nt enough, my self image was distorted
So of course it wasn't long before I had an eating disorder
It was'nt so much about being thin, but I'd set myself goals
Lower and lower, everytime I reached them, I'd feel so in control
And this whole time I just wanted them to notice me
But mummy & daddy's addiction meant they couldn't see
Why were'nt they there when I needed them the most
Now its too late, Im dead inside, I walk the earth like a lonely ghost
**I wrote this 4 years ago. A lot's changed since then, my mum and dad are clean and I have a good relationship with them. I haven't cut in over a year and a half and I don't touch any drugs. I still have down day's like anyone else but I'm stronger and I deal with loss and hurt better.
Copyright ©
jilted
... [
2005-06-26 10:29:31]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Struggle
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard on
Monday, 27th June 2005 @ 07:14:33 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| Jilted you have had one hell of a life behind you. You are doing the right thing write it all out of your system. I did years ago and since then I have felt better emotionaly and am much more stable that I ever thought I could be. Keep smiling, the world will smile with you.all the best from bernard. |
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