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Distant
Contributed by
Gigi_15
on
Saturday, 25th June 2005 @ 01:05:08 AM in AEST
Topic:
mystical
|
She's being distant
You can see the sadness in her eyes
It's clear, there's something wrong
But what is it that lies deep within her?
Her insecurity
Is all a mistery
Her lies are visable
That is what we know
But what is unknown
Is her truth
We're like stones
All we can do is watch her fall
We're so helpless to her
Why she does what she does
Is a mistery
If she doesn't let it out
It'll be too late to save her
Copyright ©
Gigi_15
... [
2005-06-25 01:05:08]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Distant
(User Rating: 1 )
by ABySs on
Saturday, 25th June 2005 @ 01:57:40 AM AEST
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a Message)
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some of us dont want to be saved
nice write could rhyme alil bit better tho |
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Re: Distant
(User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on
Wednesday, 27th July 2005 @ 10:59:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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"We're like stones
All we can do is watch her fall"
I like the picture that I saw. She trips on us, and all we can do is watch her fall. It may have been what you meant. I like it.
But she lets it out on paper, if I'm not mistaken, and that is an outlet she'll never lose. Thank you for opening up.
Take care.
David |
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Re: Distant
(User Rating: 1 )
by DragonBlue on
Wednesday, 8th February 2006 @ 01:58:29 PM AEST
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Greetings Gigi!
Over all I like how this poem describes a very disturbed young woman. A teen perhaps? And the author is the parent of this young woman?
You may want to correct the spelling errors of:
mistery should be mystery
Other suggestions; You may want to add a stanza to this poem to say what it is she is doing and why you feel so helpless to help her. omo (only my opinion)
Write On!
)O(
DragonBlue
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