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Nightmares
Contributed by
HUMGIRL18
on
Monday, 6th January 2003 @ 09:40:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
I got up this morning
And unlike in the past
I came upon within myself
A demon I could not surpass
His eyes black and shining bright
Stared deeply into mine
Destroying every inch of hope
That not even I could find
He grabbed me by the arm
Then shook me left and right
And within his forceful hold
I lost myself and could not fight
The room began to spin
Then suddenly I collapsed
But when I fell there was no pan
And my body began to relax
Falling farther into space
Never looking back
I felt my fears began to fade
Until there came a smack
Reality began to take control
As I opened up my eyes
I saw things as they were before
And began my life of lies
Copyright ©
HUMGIRL18
... [
2003-01-06 21:40:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Nightmares
(User Rating: 1 )
by ghostbear on
Wednesday, 8th January 2003 @ 12:20:07 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Quatrain structure is okay-nice try. Metaphor attempt is nice. However, rewrite, rewrite!
clean ut out the garbage words and it's okay not to tell what it's about. Let it have it's own life and meaning.
Next time- try a shower.-ghostbear |
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Re: Nightmares
(User Rating: 1 )
by sararose1950 on
Saturday, 31st December 2005 @ 08:26:12 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| interesting as if the nightmare was the reality- thank you for sharing.......Peace and Light |
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