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Faux Friend
Contributed by
shnyzz
on
Wednesday, 22nd June 2005 @ 03:11:10 AM in AEST
Topic:
AngryPoetry
|
Everyone "knows" and they think they see,
But their vision doesn't extend across vast seas,
Their heart is there but they can't sympathize,
They don't possess the soul to see with your eyes,
Can't tie the shoes and take the hardened walk,
They've done it a thousand times if allowed to talk,
Filling your head with their simple thoughts,
Allowing enough time for you own dreams to rot,
They can't hear the beat of your hearts song,
Still they insist they can all sing along,
Thinking their wiser than all of your years,
What wisdom do they hold if it's held behind fears,
You set the tracks and they all want to ride,
If you derail though they all want to hide,
Shutting their hearts and latching the locks,
As if you came down with a case of smallpox,
Until it's all smooth they don't dare come around,
For fear they may have to walk the same ground,
So for those people who have run away,
Forever in your own life you might as well stay.
Copyright ©
shnyzz
... [
2005-06-22 03:11:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Faux Friend
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 22nd June 2005 @ 12:52:47 PM AEST
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Good job getting your emotions across in this write. The flow was steady; rhyming good---except for see & sea (a little uncreative...) Your anger and frustration could be felt though, and that's important...Well done!
Scorp. |
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Re: Faux Friend
(User Rating: 1 )
by lord_sogi on
Monday, 4th September 2006 @ 12:06:51 PM AEST
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There were some errors with homonyms (thinking their wise...should be they're) and edits on some words "you own dreams to rot" should be your. Well all technical stuff aside, the poem was awesome, and
You set the tracks and they all want to ride,
If you derail though they all want to hide,
was really awesome, and after that point I could really see the strong emotion behind it. |
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