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Furthest Distance
Contributed by
Nazmythian
on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 11:16:30 PM in AEST
Topic:
MiscPoems
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.
I’ve traveled far in journeys yet untold
Through mountain passes high, forgotten, cold
Left much behind to find my place
Within the scheme of life’s embrace
While chasing foolish dreams and fool’s gold
I’ve shouted out to stars, as they would fall
My name, as if they somehow could recall
That knowledge gained with little ease
Has brought me down upon my knees
And threatened to entrance, entrap, enthrall
Within the grasp of these two trembling hands
Has rested dying breaths of many plans
The hearts of foes and countrymen
Who never will return again
Unto the cherished fields of their homelands
I wander on with fates I hope are kind
And now in recollection I do find
No measurement can e’re compare
To what you find when looking there
The distance that exists ‘tween heart and mind
.
Copyright ©
Nazmythian
... [
2005-06-20 23:16:30]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Furthest Distance
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 11:22:57 PM AEST
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This was awesome, the ending was by far my favorite. So true,
how far heart and mind are apart. And that is much to my chagrin.
I loved the flow and word-choice, this entire thing fit together so well.
~Kara |
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Re: Furthest Distance
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 01:08:00 AM AEST
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| Excellent wording from a master pen. Naz I take my hat off to you.bernard |
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Re: Furthest Distance
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 01:13:07 AM AEST
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wow Nazzy this write is like awsome.
My favorite part
I’ve shouted out to stars, as they would fall
My name, as if they somehow could recall
That knowledge gained with little ease
Has brought down upon my knees
And threatened to entrance, entrap, enthrall
amazing
hugs |
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Re: Furthest Distance
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 06:02:32 AM AEST
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Wow!!! Im actually speechless. eeekkk.
Within the grasp of these two trembling hands
Has rested dying breaths of many plans
The hearts of foes and countrymen
Who never will return again
Unto the cherished fields of their homelands
I love that lone so much.
Kisses.
Jane xoxox |
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Re: Furthest Distance
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 12:03:13 PM AEST
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Well, I must say, Naz, after all that rewording you certainly turned this over to us in fantastic shape. So many lines, the poem is full of lines, are worded in a way that maximizes the poems impact. The rhyme scheme fits so naturally, it does't appear forced in any way.
The only line you might want to check is..."Has brought down upon my knees" .... I think you left the (me)out....Has brought me down upon my knees...
Super write, Nazzy
Will
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Re: Furthest Distance
(User Rating: 1 )
by FleurdeSang on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 05:54:09 PM AEST
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Ah, the great odyssey of life, self discovery, and fate... I'm helplessly enraptured in your tale of seemingly endless journies, laced with morbidity and beauty... the lives of others left decaying behind you, never to step foot on their dwellings again... Remorseless, you travel on, not a glance to your obscure past, leaving your mark and legacy for all to percieve, either with revulsion or enchantment... or both... The rhyme scheme flowed with a ballerina's grace, each syllable a saccharine treat for my eyes and mind... Simply flawless, and overflowing with your blinding talent. Format, word choice, personification, imagery, symbols... everything... so exquisitely painted... I admire your abilities, my dear friend. Another wondrous addition to my lengthy list of favorites from you. Merci beaucoup, cheri Scott, for sharing. Whatever flows out of your pen is always a divine masterpiece to behold. Magnifique, douce chasseur.... I adored this! Nice to see you writing again! Always a pleasure. All my love. Forever,
Votre petite fleur,
Stephy! *squeezies!* |
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Re: Furthest Distance
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 07:11:12 PM AEST
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I could try to praise this, but won't, for my words would fall short. I'm delighted with this - its depth, and eloquence, and theme. Methinks I can hear an echo of that work you've mentioned, too. It can't be too easy a thing to write, but it's powerful and beautiful, sir. Bravo!
Andrew |
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Re: Furthest Distance
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 09:22:04 PM AEST
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Naz, this is sad, hopeful, fearful and extraordinary. Brilliant.
Rita |
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Re: Furthest Distance
(User Rating: 1 )
by Avarice_Riot on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 11:37:50 PM AEST
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| I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem (especially the last verse), it is a masterpiece of the exploration of man's inner self, a sort of Everyman journey or struggle. Beautifully crafted poem, on the whole. |
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Re: Furthest Distance
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovingcritters on
Tuesday, 5th July 2005 @ 11:20:42 PM AEST
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Wow Naz, did you mean for the ?'s to appear as ? or is this a mistake?
How I could relate
your poem brought memories of long ago.
I love adventure like you I know.
I also like the car you feature on your home page! Is that ford or chevy? what year? I had a 1958. Black with carnary top! Fancy fancy fancy! tee.
I have something that only you could enjoy. like I just enjoyed your wonderful poem.
So here' to you Nazzy...........
Good bye 'ole Wyoming,
I'm leaving you for good,
440 feet to water,
and 90 miles to wood. *smiles*
Warm love
consue
That came from another Wyomite that lives in Laramie! |
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