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Them
Contributed by
runaway0516
on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 10:05:20 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Depression isn't even the word to describe
All the pain and suffering I go through inside
Everything I do is wrong and never right
And I better not even try to put up a fight
I have a dream which I want to pursue
Though I have no support in anything I do
I feel as if I just lost my soul
And now in the place of my heart, a hole
My pride; my joy; my happiness; shattered
Numerous invisible bruises as if I've been battered
As I try to pick myself up from the ground
Someone is right there pushing me back down
Mentally abused and left to deal with it
Alone and scared in a bottomless pit
A pit that can be found in the hole in my heart
Sitting there restless and torn apart
You'd think after everything they'd stop the pain
But all they do is make me more insane
These people I speak of are not strangers to me
Actually they're all suppose to be my family
Copyright ©
runaway0516
... [
2005-06-20 22:05:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Them
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 10:10:51 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| well i think that you were going for a twist at the end with saying that all this happens from your family, but it was given away with the title. youre an excellent rhymer, that is what i noticed right off the bat. you have talent and you show it, that is also very nice. you have a good ending and a good twist, but the title needs to change if it is supposed to be a surprise in the end for the dramatic effect. |
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Re: Them
(User Rating: 1 )
by grin69 on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 11:29:57 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Hello. I really like your poem and I can definitly relate to feeling the way you do. It always seems like the ones we love the most, hurt us the most. This was really good. Great job. |
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Re: Them
(User Rating: 1 )
by gwenevere on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 03:48:52 PM AEST
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a Message)
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It's such a pity they can't see
They have no sensitivity
They hurt you time and time again
But there will be a time when
You will turn your back and go
To all the hurt you'll say a no
Far too late they'll realise
Your love has gone,What a surprise. |
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