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Shed A Tear
Contributed by
waos
on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 09:46:05 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Instantaneously I feel
wrapped in the proverbial cocoon
of hate and loneliness.
Alone in this empty typhoon
of hopes so tempting,
eternally out of reach you dangled
tantalizing images of future.
Choking on plastic apples I strangled,
you walked away to leave me sifting
sands seeking absolution in self burial.
A saviour from constancy of existential breathing
the mirage hovers above with cudgel
poised to free the soul to drifting.
Melt to mix in melted gold a fool
fallen from wisdom remitted to deserved state,
bleeding entrapped within a ghoul.
Dampened souls conduct pain's current
through veins shattered on impulse.
Writhe through images, torn, taken,
raped again, in memory convulse.
Shed a tear, darkened soul, shed a tear,
melt away the cocoon.
Shed a tear.
~Waos~
Copyright ©
waos
... [
2005-06-20 21:46:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Shed A Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 10:23:24 PM AEST
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Sad but awesome writing.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: Shed A Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 10:27:36 PM AEST
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| well i hope the light shines brighter for your next step till it lights the doorknob you seek. this is one of the most original writes ive seen from you, very well done creativrly. |
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Re: Shed A Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 11:11:45 PM AEST
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Sorry 4 your pain a well expressed poem
(((((4u)))))
Ben |
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Re: Shed A Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by JasTrask_22 on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 06:42:12 PM AEST
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a sad but an awesome write . good job. i liked the melting line the best!
keep it up!
JA.z.z.zzz |
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Re: Shed A Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Tuesday, 21st June 2005 @ 10:02:26 PM AEST
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most saddened by this..
but an exceptionaly well written piece nonetheless..
this is brilliant:
"Melt to mix in melted gold a fool
fallen from wisdom remitted to deserved state,"
I think I'll read it again infact-
B |
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Re: Shed A Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by Blu on
Wednesday, 22nd June 2005 @ 02:38:54 PM AEST
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Kara, you are so incrediby talented.
To be honest, I had to read this a few times to let it all sink in.
Very heavy, very sad, but you wrote it in a way where anybody could relate to it on some level.
I loved the last two lines:
Shed a tear, darkened soul, shed a tear, melt away the cocoon. Shed a tear.
Beautifully painful.
Very very well done!
Blu |
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Re: Shed A Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by secretwind on
Tuesday, 28th June 2005 @ 12:19:28 PM AEST
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oh I love the flow
I do I do |
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Re: Shed A Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 2nd July 2005 @ 02:35:51 AM AEST
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Kara this was just powerfuly poetic. I really liked the visual image of the poem. It's sad and poerfull.
Cool write as always.
Jane xoxox |
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Re: Shed A Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Sunday, 3rd July 2005 @ 10:36:49 PM AEST
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Wow another hella good write and this made
a lot more sense once I followed the
punctuation (damn your a stickler lol j/k). I just
loved how you used the words "cocoon" and
"typhoon" at the beginning it really added to
the write overall.
"Dampened souls conduct pain's current
through veins shattered on impulse."
And what is not to love in those two lines?
*shakes head* I love the allusions to
electricity there that was just brilliant! There's
probably a lot more in this poem that I am
missing as well.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: Shed A Tear
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Monday, 8th August 2005 @ 12:45:16 AM AEST
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phew..
Kara..
Your write was an assemblege
of pain and sadness, written with
beautiful majesty..
imagery alone..earns 5 stars
though I would've personified a bit more..
and a division of stanzas perhaps..
(for more of a powerful write)
Either way..it was awesome-
5 from me-
B
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