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Passed Out
Contributed by
PoisonousPyscho
on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 05:36:12 AM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Passed Out
I passed out on the bathroom floor
A small silver thing fell with me
I passed out on the bathroom floor
And no one came to save me
I passed out on the bathroom floor
Although I’m not there today
I passed out on the bathroom floor
And I found out today
When I passed out on the bathroom floor
I bleed to death that way
Copyright ©
PoisonousPyscho
... [
2005-06-20 05:36:12] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Passed Out
(User Rating: 1 ) by xXcrossedXx on
Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 09:44:41 AM AEST (User
Info | Send
a Message)
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The repitition took away from the poem and made the actual sequence of what was happening confusing. I would do with out the repition and try adding in lines that have to do with emotion and feeling.
Keep writing,
--amanda-- |
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