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Passed Out

Contributed by PoisonousPyscho on Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 05:36:12 AM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

Passed Out

I passed out on the bathroom floor
A small silver thing fell with me
I passed out on the bathroom floor
And no one came to save me
I passed out on the bathroom floor
Although I’m not there today
I passed out on the bathroom floor
And I found out today
When I passed out on the bathroom floor
I bleed to death that way

Copyright Â© PoisonousPyscho ... [ 2005-06-20 05:36:12]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Passed Out (User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on Monday, 20th June 2005 @ 09:44:41 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

The repitition took away from the poem and made the actual sequence of what was happening confusing. I would do with out the repition and try adding in lines that have to do with emotion and feeling.
Keep writing,
--amanda--

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