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Just One More, Please
Contributed by
xXx_lil_pyro_xXx
on
Saturday, 18th June 2005 @ 01:09:21 PM in AEST
Topic:
self-harmpoetry
|
There was the knife
There was my arm
I can’t even remember
The act of self-harm
I remember before
And what happened after
But what’s in the middle
I can’t seem to master
It’s just a big blur
Of blood, pain, and flesh
Part of me wanted more
The other wished I’d done less
I’m outside myself now
And I’m down on my knees
Regretting what I’ve just done
And begging for just one more please
Copyright ©
xXx_lil_pyro_xXx
... [
2005-06-18 13:09:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Just One More, Please
(User Rating: 1 )
by JustAGirl001 on
Saturday, 18th June 2005 @ 02:24:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A very good poem. Well written with a strong feeling from beginning to end. I've felt it before too.
-Keep up the good work. |
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Re: Just One More, Please
(User Rating: 1 )
by theoklapoet on
Saturday, 18th June 2005 @ 02:54:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Great poem,be careful. |
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Re: Just One More, Please
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Friday, 24th June 2005 @ 06:35:49 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is great!! I miss this feeling so much... very good write you're getting better with structure and everything, great job.
My only advice would be the last line maybe say something like.. gosh I can't think right now but maybe just putting a comma between more and please would be fine. This was a great write, keep it up Karis.
xoxo
--amanda-- |
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Re: Just One More, Please
(User Rating: 1 )
by sweetestsin101 on
Monday, 3rd October 2005 @ 12:39:17 AM AEST
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a Message)
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i felt that feeling more then once. good write, i understand compleatly. be careful, godbless
~*~LEXI~*~ |
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