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dream
Contributed by
seanfromohio
on
Thursday, 16th June 2005 @ 07:31:17 PM in AEST
Topic:
DreamsandWishes
|
one day i saw this girl that looked fine
one day i thought i'd make her mine
i thought i should ask her out
then i knew it was the time
as days went by i couldn't sleep
because i drank too much caffiene
i thought to myself i should stop
so i can finnally get back to sleep
dream about your life
dream about all of the good things
dream well, and get some sleep tonight
now's the time to be a real man
someone who will grab your hand
when your drowning in the ocean
and lay you down on soft sand
this time i'm gonna play the game
get myslef in the hall of fame
lose sometimes but win mostly
i hope they all remember my name
Copyright ©
seanfromohio
... [
2005-06-16 19:31:17]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by Shnyzz on
Thursday, 16th June 2005 @ 08:10:36 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I think all men....and women.... feel this way at sometime or another. |
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Re: dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sherah on
Thursday, 16th June 2005 @ 08:24:42 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| A for Affort..... |
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Re: dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by foxfire44 on
Thursday, 16th June 2005 @ 09:03:15 PM AEST
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| you have good starts to many poems there sood try keep it up |
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Re: dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 17th June 2005 @ 12:34:23 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I like it too..
I mean.. I love it..
Nice beginning.. to start a story...
I like how you kept it flowing.. all the way to the end..
Its so very mapped out..
Lots of land marks, sign posts if you will.. shows locations, times, happenings..
I took this poem very seriously..
I like how the character grows.. how he matures.. how he is being honest to himself.
What his special wants and needs are..
I must say, I had to chuckle at the end.. I am still smiling at the character.. play the game, hall of fame.. win.. so cute. adorable, yet again, being very honest.. loyal to his dreams..
G Whizzes.. when a real man can grab the hand of his true lover.. save her... from drowning.. comforting her.. I don't think he would have much trouble in being remembered .. at ... all...
This poem is very unique.. Thank you..
Yours truly,
Raquel Leah.. (poetress) |
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Re: dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 17th June 2005 @ 12:37:23 AM AEST
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Oh by the way, you got any brothers?
LOL
LOL
LOL..
Just joking..
Yours truly,
Raquel Leah ( poet) |
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Re: dream
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Friday, 17th June 2005 @ 09:02:53 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Your thoughts were kind of jumbled up. I like the overall theme to it though. Seems like you were getting things together around the end.
Nice write, keep it up.
--amanda-- |
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