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Contributed by helianthus on Tuesday, 14th June 2005 @ 11:28:21 AM in AEST
Topic: anguished

Coffee. More coffee.
It does nothing for me. Mock stimulant.
I've been asleep since I really woke up.

In zombie mode I let them in without ceremony or song.
Deeply I feel ecstatic as they quietly violate me.
I absorb them and imitate believing they will reciprocate
Anything
a firm hand to hold
a warm hug
a smile
I ignore my sense its a false sense of security
And though I know they have me down
I share what I have while I sing my own song.

Inside, my words cannot describe
the light and the joy of them
the hope and the trust I have in them

I share too much I think
better to be alone than have them use me
share my space while they openly patronize
give my heart as they mock my tenderness they claim

I deny. Denial is a temporary respite. Denial.
Sleep is rarely without disturbance now.
The nightmare will not be ignored.

And, oh, they know
you must sleep sometime and feign concern so you spill your nightmare
you halfwit waiting for answers

they don't answer because they weren't listening
they weren't listening because they don't care
and I acccept because I cannot change it
I need
I accept it because I can't change them
they own
I accept it because it's all I know
all I'll ever get and more
than I could ever hope for

Their job here is done.
Tears are gone and they have soaked me dry.
They have tempered my heart and ditched me as it begins to crack...

Coffee. I need coffee.

Copyright © helianthus ... [ 2005-06-14 11:28:21]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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