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Built Up
Contributed by
dorkfish
on
Monday, 13th June 2005 @ 01:07:42 PM in AEST
Topic:
SadPoetry
|
Anger bulit up
Surpressed by false happenings
Feelings hidden by needs
Unknowingly breaking down walls of confidence
Hurting ambitions and bonds
Unselfishly giving when not feeling safe
Binded by love and comfort
Comfort turned to fear
Spoken words of ire
Angrily pressed in a sworm of emotions and painful conclusions
Repressed feelings and true hearted lust
Finding truth in love that is not there
Hurtful tones and meaningful words said without repercussions
Burried wants held back by undesire
Lessened love no burning fire
Undying love carried higher
Copyright ©
dorkfish
... [
2005-06-13 13:07:42]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Built Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Monday, 13th June 2005 @ 01:47:23 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Honestly; I think you can do better than this...I didn't feel any emotion at all in this write. It felt like there was some desperation to put in some slick wording without any real meaning or feeling behind it....I'd suggest you put your emotions on paper first---don't concentrate so much on flashy words...RAW emotions. Just go with it and see where it takes you...I've read better from you, and you're quite capable...
Scorp. |
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Re: Built Up
(User Rating: 1 )
by boobiepeach on
Monday, 13th June 2005 @ 04:13:32 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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| emotional, pretty, thought out |
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