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Love Used To
Contributed by
new_york_chick
on
Saturday, 11th June 2005 @ 08:22:22 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Late nights
And dances on the beach
In the summertime it feels
Like there's nothing you can't reach
New dreams
And the need to beat the sunrise
The want to be the first one
To look into your eyes
Love used to have no meaning
Only material things and showing off
But now nothing is enough
Unless I'm spending time with you
I used to look at you
And imagine what I couldn't say
Now when I wake up
I can't believe things are finally this way
Copyright ©
new_york_chick
... [
2005-06-11 20:22:22]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Love Used To
(User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on
Sunday, 12th June 2005 @ 06:34:39 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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Dear NYC, inspirational subject matter and lovely delivery for the jaded lovers out here. If this is 'real life' for you and not just a poet's imagination, than WHOOOHOOO!
Just a brief critique, though.You didn't rhyme the alternate line in stanza 3, and it broke the meter that you so effortlessly developed in the first two stanzas. Tighten it up a little and it will do more than shine - it will sparkle.
Spike |
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Re: Love Used To
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sinned on
Sunday, 12th June 2005 @ 10:34:00 AM AEST
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a Message)
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new_york_chick
Aw.....darn you !
You brought back memories of my first love true.
Deck dances to waltz & rock&roll.
She left me to take a strol
Broke my heart don't you know,
but I still love this poe.
Very touching write--- : )
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Re: Love Used To
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Sunday, 12th June 2005 @ 08:24:53 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A truly heartfelt write this is..
Im glad you've found happiness.
great write
M.O.H. |
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