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An unatural way of doing things
Contributed by
russ-dawg
on
Thursday, 2nd June 2005 @ 06:19:10 PM in AEST
Topic:
StoryPoetry
|
I woke up on the write side of bed, felt more alive than dead.
I went to church and prayed for a good day,
insted of blaming god when things don't go my way.
Insted of frowning i desided to smile.
I went back home to be with my family awhile.
Then i woke and realized it was all a dream.
When i was stoped by a cop i asked god why do you pick on me.
When i got home and lay in bed and,
wrote in i sobs if i am alive why do i feel so dead.
Copyright ©
russ-dawg
... [
2005-06-02 18:19:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: An unatural way of doing things
(User Rating: 1 )
by Unbreakable on
Thursday, 2nd June 2005 @ 07:58:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This poem is interesting in the fact that it starts out in an optimistic tone, only to end on such a pesimistic note. The rhyme scheme is interesting as well, I like that it's pretty random but it still works with the poem. Keep it up.
Krystal |
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Re: An unatural way of doing things
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fears on
Friday, 3rd June 2005 @ 04:36:08 PM AEST
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that was really good. It was so...happy and optomistic in the beginning and then all of the sudden turned dark. I like the way that you did that.
keep posting with us! we are an united poetry site!
UPS
~Fears |
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Re: An unatural way of doing things
(User Rating: 1 )
by Freak-of-the-Week on
Tuesday, 2nd August 2005 @ 09:31:21 AM AEST
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| I love this one, too. It really captures the sense of fatigue and emptiness you start to feel whenever so many bad things just keep happening time after time, relentlessly. That's what the poem speaks to me, at least. 0_0 It also captures the extra-suckified feeling of dreaming everything is perfect and then suddenly realizing that that's it - it's all just a fragile, happy dream. I really, really hate that...but this is a beautiful poem. :) |
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