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Die Alone Together
Contributed by
spazz911
on
Wednesday, 1st June 2005 @ 08:37:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
I hear your voice on the other side of this wall
calling my name, screaming out at us all
frantically searching I scarmble about
deperatly trying to help find a way out
So close i can feel you, your touch on the stone
feel your voice whisper, your hearbeat, your bones.
can't go around the walls to long and too wide
can't climb atop for the height is too high
Noting can penatrate the unfeeling brick
it is merciless hard, sound wide and its thick
But don' give up i'm coming, I'll find you, you'll see
I'll break through the barrier, set us both free
Just when I think I have found a way through
three more walls appear, surrounding me like you
now we are both boxed in, fighting time out
who will win it's bronze or our heart?
sadly and surely the air will not breathe
yet mercilessly, I still feel you near me
so even through this time, we wil die alone
the fact you stayed her is more than I'm prone
Copyright ©
spazz911
... [
2005-06-01 20:37:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Die Alone Together
(User Rating: 1 )
by blue_angel on
Wednesday, 1st June 2005 @ 08:45:26 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
hey u changed it to high... ha nice.
like the poem very very much. one of yer best i think. yes i do like it but i wouldnt call it justice lol. but its not like i copy righted it so youre free to use it as are others lol. great poem kc!
jennie* |
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Re: Die Alone Together
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty06 on
Wednesday, 1st June 2005 @ 10:11:08 PM AEST
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| This poem was thrilling. The entrapment of the walls and the frantic yearning for the other person was pure excitement. Even more exciting than your poem: headache. I'd have to say this is better, but I feel that the last line leaves you hanging. It doesn't really fit right. |
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Re: Die Alone Together
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 1st June 2005 @ 11:57:29 PM AEST
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Well worded write, good description, my only complaint would be the typos/grammar. Just double check your poem next time before you post.....Keep up the nice writes.
Scorp. |
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Re: Die Alone Together
(User Rating: 1 )
by sprinter27 on
Sunday, 5th June 2005 @ 08:27:39 PM AEST
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did jennie write a poem Die Alone Together too? lol. her, a.f, and i were the ones who thought of the saying in the first place. but we brought you into it too. so it's all ok with me and jennie. and if a.f. and i both wrote a poem called Die Alone Together, i guess we'd all be alright... right? lol. keep up the work i really liked it!
keep up the good work!!
~sprints |
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