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Carrying the stones of her heart
Contributed by
In_a_While
on
Wednesday, 1st June 2005 @ 10:29:00 AM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
make the world soft as clay
so i can play and be the doors
nothing is black if you stay awake
please don't take what can't be yours
i made a painting of the day
i'll not stay to create the grey
think of a world not made of stone
i'm not alone if i can play
i know this girl who's always home
she's never alone but time is fleeting
i could carry the stones of her heart
if it wasn't hard to stop the bleeding
in the trees i walk with plates
talking hates to be left unsaid
so i smiled for a moment's time
my life's crime is love that's dead
no sense maybe, but i'm cold gravy
so save me for some crispy fries
one more rhyme with a side of smiles
life's of miles and a trail of eyes...
dw
Copyright ©
In_a_While
... [
2005-06-01 10:29:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Carrying the stones of her heart
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 1st June 2005 @ 11:29:51 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| I really liked this. I could feel your pain and anguish come right on through my screen, which is what poetry is all about. I sure hope your heart is mending. Writing is a big help! Good luck and keep on writing! Angel always...godspeed...joni |
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Re: Carrying the stones of her heart
(User Rating: 1 )
by Tanmaya on
Thursday, 2nd June 2005 @ 02:58:01 AM AEST
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I really liked this- very interesting work...the metaphors and the images are lovely.
I loved the first two stanzas, very clever and deep. And yeah, the last two lines are beautiful.
But I feel first two lines of the last stanza(about cold gravy and fries) should have been different. The imagination and words used in the rest of the poem are quite poetic and captivating, and those two lines don't seem to match. Just my opinion.
Overall, great poem! |
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