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Under the Moonlight
Contributed by
Mild_Tempest
on
Saturday, 28th May 2005 @ 02:35:19 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
If you will be mine forever,
If you will stay by my side.
I’d be happy inside till death,
I’d be happy to confide.
If I had you to love eternally,
If I had your azure eyes.
I’d be confident in everything,
There would be no more lies.
If we had long beach walks,
If we had a vast forest.
I’d take you out every night,
Out when the air is coolest.
If we had clouds to eat,
If we had oceans to drink.
I’d be happy in all ways,
I’d never have to think.
If you will be mine forever,
If you will stay by my side.
I’d be grateful until I die,
You and I just can’t divide.
Copyright ©
Mild_Tempest
... [
2005-05-28 14:35:19]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Under the Moonlight
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Saturday, 28th May 2005 @ 03:55:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I like the poem. I think the word IF was overused. It was like you are begging. Be strong,
Would you be mine forever
Will you stay by my side
Relationships should be on a give and take basis, not fear of loss and begging.
Smiles,
Rita |
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Re: Under the Moonlight
(User Rating: 1 )
by marshmalloska on
Saturday, 28th May 2005 @ 04:06:56 PM AEST
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I disagree. I think the repetition give the poem structure, and continuity.
I love
If we had clouds to eat .... oceans to drink
Good write =) |
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Re: Under the Moonlight
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamPoetess on
Friday, 21st October 2005 @ 10:00:16 PM AEST
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This is a beautiful dreamy write. I like how you used the if's in order to place your lover in an explanation, and then the I'de's to answer your love. Great idea:>
________________________________________
"Wake me up only if it is true, otherwise, allow me to stay in my dream, says Meagan!" |
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