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My Thoughts of Life
Contributed by
sride686
on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 11:03:24 AM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
This write really hit me hard and when I started writing I couldn’t stop. Its not as long as it looks. There is just so much emotion in it for me and my mind was lost as I wrote it. Please comment and tell me what you think. Your friend….Steve
Thoughts and pain
They run so deep
Cut to my heart
To find my grief
Pain that continues
To rape my soul
Rip out my heart
And rip out my soul
Loss that swells
And fills in my eyes
Sweeps out my mind
And takes off with my pride
Hurt that has hate
It continues to breath
It takes over my life
Now its all that I see
Dark are my depths
As they fill with blood
From this pain in my life
I have no love
Cut to my heart
And I’ll never bleed
For my life and my blood
Has been taken from me
This life that I have
I have no choice
For you’ve ripped out my words
And ripped out my voice
Heaven or hell
For soon I’ll fall
I’ll lose my life
And be lost to it all
Know my name
For soon you will die
I’ll rip out your heart
And walkout of your life
Hate that flows
To take over my life
The devil is sin
But in him I abide
I love you girl
You walked out of my life
I kissed you with pain
As I said my good byes
My head falls down
With thoughts of black
Darker I fall
As I feel thee attack
I close my eyes
To clear my mind
And release my pain
And regain my pride
Cold is my heart
And I’ve lost my mind
As I touch my soul
I’ve crossed the line
I’d take my life
And I’d take my grief
But I have to much pride
To admit my defeat
~Steve~
Copyright ©
sride686
... [
2005-05-27 11:03:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Thoughts of Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jaycee on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 11:18:14 AM AEST
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Steve, don't apologize for length, it isn't long, really, and some poems - like this one - you just get lost in reading and it's abrupt (not your doing, just the impact to the reader) when it comes to an end.
There will be always so much that we civilians will never understand because we have never experienced. My Dad is a WW2 vet and he refused to listen to me saying I was clueless. I'm not saying you would say that, but the point is that knowledge is not and never can be a replacement for experience. And your experience is frighteneing, to say the least.
Your poem tells such a tragic tale, of pain, of loss, of lack of confidence. That your humanity is being stripped away so much. But your pride sustains you. I have known people who curse their pride, who force them into doing the right thing. I don't know about that, personally, either, but I think it is an admirable trait. I can try and not make it, you and a few others can. I can hope and pray that your life becomes more staisfactory and that you won't become a statistic. I pray that you will come home soon to a much better life.
Bless
Jaycee
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Re: My Thoughts of Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 11:23:30 AM AEST
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A most compelling peice of literature, well done . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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Re: My Thoughts of Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by suicidal_imbecile on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 11:26:50 AM AEST
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Steve... my heart is stil caught in my throat.... i feel like bursting out in tears except for the fact that there is a bunch of people around me doing work. Heart renching, dammit i wish i could find the words to say, because what you wrote hit me fricken hard. I think im going to print it off and carry it around with me all day. man i love you dude, you have so much emotion, its hard core. I love your poems but i dont like to think that you had to go through that pain to write such beauty. dammit i'm confused now....
luvs
kate |
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Re: My Thoughts of Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 01:46:17 PM AEST
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Awww you poor thing hugs.
That is such an emotional write.
If you ever need to talk Pm me ok?
anyways take care. |
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Re: My Thoughts of Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by In_a_while on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 02:01:07 PM AEST
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| Very good poem Steve! It rhymed wonderfully and was so full of emotional depth! I'm in awe and my hat goes off to your talent. No more words can describe it, so i'll say keep up the fine writing! dw |
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Re: My Thoughts of Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 03:08:46 PM AEST
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Woa....the second stanza---speechless...A dark and very insightful poem. This was very good, (but sad---sorry to hear of your loss)
Hang in there Steve. *hug*
Scorp. |
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Re: My Thoughts of Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by somedaylove on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 09:37:27 PM AEST
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| wow very emotional ..........my eyes started to water and a lump im my throat as i read this my heart goes out to you my freind......beautiful yet sad write...........keep it up |
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Re: My Thoughts of Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Saturday, 28th May 2005 @ 09:34:01 AM AEST
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Steve, there’s nothing to be sorry about. Poetry is an expression of release so there’s no need to apologies
As for the context of this poem, I thought you wrote is with so much heart and energy into it. Which I think makes one brilliant poem.
Do post some more poems like this as it makes us into what we are both as people and poets.
Hugs,
Jane xxx
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