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Into the eyes of a ghost...
Contributed by
In_a_while
on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 07:59:20 AM in AEST
Topic:
self-harmpoetry
|
so here i am, this rattling can
open me slowly again
dust on the shelf, preserve my dark self
waiting till i taste the end
words cannot save, a mind before grave
but bullets taste good with a bang
shake the fears loose, with a hoola hoop noose
or bleed with a need for the fang
i jump from the ledge, a razor blade's edge
and into the pot of hot water
damn i'm still here, they found me so near
so close to the red getting hotter
pills can be swell, small tickets to hell
if sleep is deeper than most
i'll take the train, through dark tunnel pain
to weep in the sleep of a ghost...
...until the sun dies.
dw
Copyright ©
In_a_while
... [
2005-05-27 07:59:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Into the eyes of a ghost...
(User Rating: 1 )
by lost_in_me on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 09:48:13 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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That's pretty good. Although I think you might've tried a little too hard to make it rhyme. Not all poems rhyme, I personally like it better if it doesn't rhyme because that limits the writer.
Other then that it isn't half bad...-Joy |
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Re: Into the eyes of a ghost...
(User Rating: 1 )
by sride686 on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 01:06:57 PM AEST
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a Message)
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A good write dw and like always I enjoy your work. You end this poem with yet another strong stanza that drew the readers mind into your thoughts. Good job is all I can say to that. You have the same problem I do I love to make my work rime and flow and he’s write it limit’s the writer but hay that’s are style right. Tae care and keep up these great writes my friend….Steve
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Re: Into the eyes of a ghost...
(User Rating: 1 )
by Bohemian_with_a_pen on
Saturday, 28th May 2005 @ 10:56:33 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| omg this is AWESOME!!!! well done, i love it... |
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