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Give Up On Me
Contributed by
blue_angel
on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:01:06 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
carrying a burden so heavy
i fall down and scrape my knee
flat faced on the ground
no one stops to help me
does no one care?
it seems that way
no one in sight
to hear what i have to say
i cry a hopeless call
i listen for reply
but all i hear is silence
and continue to cry
give up on me
i already have
im just a joke
go ahead and laugh
i'll fake a smile
i'll make me look strong
but you'll never know
im dying all along
Copyright ©
blue_angel
... [
2005-05-26 21:01:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Give Up On Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by OrangeFlamingo on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:06:45 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I feel the same way sometimes to! But this peom is way to simple. I love the whole theme and idea behind it, but it just is to typical and is not very unique.
Elizabeth |
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Re: Give Up On Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty06 on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:24:59 PM AEST
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| This is a very sad poem, and I'm sure that we've all been there in that place of hopeless dispair. Your poem has good feeling and a good mood. Your rythm is a little shaky though. Sometimes it helps if you read it outloud as you go along. Keep strong and continue writing, I won't give up on you, so you shouldn't give up either ^_^ |
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Re: Give Up On Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Doriens_Picture on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:27:45 PM AEST
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you know those kinds of feeling are always in me
even now that i have some one who really loves me
who dries my tears when i cry
its just something that i cant help |
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Re: Give Up On Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:28:31 PM AEST
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Oh man; this is how I'm feeling today...lol
I can totally relate, and I hope things improve for you....Keep writing. Scorp. |
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Re: Give Up On Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jaycee on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:30:58 PM AEST
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Oh Jennie! Maybe you should just get rid of the burden. I will always listen and care, always but don't give up on yourself. You've come too far to turn back and just let go of what troubles you and be happy.
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Re: Give Up On Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty06 on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:40:21 PM AEST
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Your poem is great, it flows well and portrays the mood and feeling of the peom wonderfully. I like how you began the poem with the feeling of helplessness with the lines 'carrying a burden so heavy
i fall down and scrape my knee
flat faced on the ground
no one stops to help me'
I'm sorry that your aunt was taken away from you like that. You really get the message across that she was important to you. Try your best to get through this hard time and continue to express your emtions so strongly in your poetry. |
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Re: Give Up On Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty06 on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:42:18 PM AEST
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| omg! I am really sorry! I accidentally wrote that comment to you, but it was meant for another poem! Again I am so sorry! Please ignore my comment before this one! |
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Re: Give Up On Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jaycee on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:56:45 PM AEST
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Oh, in answer to the title of the poem:
 |
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Re: Give Up On Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by In_a_while on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 08:34:04 AM AEST
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| very straight forward and full of life's struggle! i'm glad you shared it and hope you keep your head high!! dw |
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Re: Give Up On Me
(User Rating: 1 )
by sride686 on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 12:41:02 PM AEST
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Jennie:
This is yet another great write by a great poet named Jennie. I feel your pain but I know you have friends for you such a powerful heart that is filled with pain but I can feel a love just as strong in the pain. You have a friend in me and you can hit me up if you ever want to talk. There are a few on this site I just wish I could have known in life but if this is all I get I’ll take it. Your writes are strong and take my thoughts away from this place when I read your work and I thank you. Your friend….Steve
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