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Please...Not My Angel
Contributed by
ForeverAlone
on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 08:49:26 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
A misery to much to handle
Something I can't come to grasp with
Melted like wax of a candle
All that would bring reality to a myth
A broken road of complete pain
For my life resides in another
If she were to leave, to gain
I would lose control in my shudders
Suicide from the one I love
Something I really could'nt take
The self release of my angel from above
. . .
Would immentently take mine and also discreate
Copyright ©
ForeverAlone
... [
2005-05-26 20:49:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Please...Not My Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by pUnKa_RaCh on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 08:54:06 PM AEST
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a Message)
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i like this clark...it is quite touching and very sincere and sad
but you've done a brilliant job and lovely word use
keep it up u legend! |
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Re: Please...Not My Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:56:53 PM AEST
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| I thought this was a touching write, but there's some typos, which takes away from it a bit. Look up the spelling of words if you are unsure....Keep it up! Scorp. |
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Re: Please...Not My Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty06 on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 10:03:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Your poem is very good, the mood and the message are portrayed well. However, you make your poem lose some luster by silly mistakes, such as using 'to' instead of 'too' in the first line, and 'could'nt' instead of 'couldn't' Other than that, you did an excellent job. I love the reference to melted candle wax, it gives the impression of something impermenant and used up. Keep writing beautiful material like this, you are talented. |
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Re: Please...Not My Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 10:11:49 PM AEST
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| well as you know, i already like the poem and think that it is one of your best. you wonder why i think this, and the reason is that for one of the first times you have taken your talent now and taken your emotion to portray it. |
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Re: Please...Not My Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 11:45:45 PM AEST
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Clark what a brillant write. Sad, yet portrayed so well. Filled with alot deep emotion. Your work just seems to get better with every piece of poetry that u produce. Such wonderful ability and flare with ya pen. Nothing less to what I expected from u. Keep 'em coming.
*hugs* from ya friend,
~sue~ |
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Re: Please...Not My Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Zeldianus on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 06:50:10 PM AEST
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This is amazing, Clark. I like it alot!! Keep up the good work, my friend!
-Seth |
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Re: Please...Not My Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Friday, 10th June 2005 @ 09:53:13 AM AEST
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The third stanza is great, as well as the rest of the poem, not one of my favorites but nice job.
--amanda-- |
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