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It's You I Hate
Contributed by
Live2Die
on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 04:13:30 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
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Looking at your face
You’re staring into space
It’s come to this debate
And it’s this debate I hate.
Looking at your eyes
Hearing all your lies
Its come down to this trait,
And it’s this trait I hate.
Looking at your hands
Seeing all they’re plans
They’re saying that it’s great,
But it’s this I hate.
Looking at your mind
Seeing you unwind
It’s come down to this fate
And it’s you I hate.
Copyright ©
Live2Die
... [
2005-05-26 16:13:30] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: It's You I Hate
(User Rating: 1 ) by hauntedscorp on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 04:58:58 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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I enjoyed reading this and I think I see where you were heading with this write, but I don't think you quite achieved it. With a little more patience and thought, I think you are quite capable of creating a masterpiece...Keep it up! Scorp. |
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Re: It's You I Hate
(User Rating: 1 ) by girltranscended on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 05:34:05 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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This has awesome flow and I like the progression of hate. One word tho. "unwind" seems out of place to me. Someone who is staring, debating, lying, planning doesn't seem to be someone to me who is unwinding. Unless you meant kind of unravelling instead of relaxing. ? I dunno. I really liked this, great job!
:) |
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Re: It's You I Hate
(User Rating: 1 ) by bttrflynajar on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 09:45:10 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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wow ... i have felt this feeling before.. i know it so well.. your poem ! i love it! your a beautiful writter! |
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