|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Everything
Contributed by
blue_angel
on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 08:50:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
You say I am everything to you
That there is nothing you wouldn’t do
To be with me and see me smile
You say that it’s all worthwhile
You tell me you love me with all of your heart
But what you don’t know, it tears me apart
Deep in the depths of this mind of mine
Dark secrets I keep you’ll find
But you’re just too sweet and I cannot say
What I’ve been thinking will sound insane
You love me more than I could ever love you
Im sorry it took so long but I was confused
I don’t want to be the heartbreaker
I only wanted to be the dream maker
But now I see that things just will not work out
I came into this relationship with too much doubt
Please don’t cry, I might hurt myself again
I’m sorry this is how it had to end
I just can’t bring myself to say I love you
But I hope and I pray that we’ll both make it through
Copyright ©
blue_angel
... [
2005-05-25 20:50:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Everything
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 09:01:05 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Grear write !!! Follow your heart.
Leia |
|
|
Re: Everything
(User Rating: 1 )
by Skinney86 on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 09:04:26 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| You will know what to do.... follow your heart...good write! |
|
|
Re: Everything
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty06 on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 09:29:31 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
First, you should check your grammer and spelling. Then you should get rid of any contrations and fully write them out, ie 'I am' instead of 'I'm'
If this is a poem you're going to give to someone, I suggest you change the line 'Please don't cry, I might hurt myself again'. This seems more of an emotional threat, like 'don't be mad or else I'll cry'. Plus saying 'Please don't cry,' makes this person seem weak and this isn't going to help with your apology. Instead replace the line with something like, 'Your sadness I understand' Take out the 'just' in the line 'I just can't bring myself to say I love you'
Change the last line to 'I hope and pray that we will both make it through' |
|
|
Re: Everything
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jaycee on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 10:45:42 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
okay, first comment. i don't know anything about kitty06 and i am sure she means well, and i don't want or need hate mail, flaming etc, but i think grammar and spelling are not the issue. this is about feelings, you know. i have a 12 year old daughter who i wished spelled as well as jennie! wait a minute, there aren't any mispellings that i see. the sum and rilly are jennie's way of spelling words. i like her prolly that jennie sometimes uses for probably. the girl's a high honors student for two semesters in a row. she knows what's she's doing. and with close to 100 poems posted in, i dunno, 3 months, she knoww something about heartfelt poetry. the gal is my favorite poet on this site, she writes from the heart and that is what matters. so, i mean no offense, but i will rally to the defense of any of my friends. because that is what friends are for.
now jennie, about the poem. i read this a few minutes ago on yur blog and muttered something not intelligent enough for my liking. the one time you ask for advice (i seem to give it when you don't ask, lol) is the one time i don't really know what to say (funny, i was going to ask for your advise on an issue after i read your poems). all i can say is follow your heart. don't do anything out of fear. or misgivings about your past. or any inadequacy you may be feeling (i'm not saying you are, just speculating). or guilt? okay, i get (and already knew) that you don't reciprocate the intensity he feels for you. but ask yourself this: do you enjoy being with him? if the answer is yes, isn't that enough for now. you don't have to solve everything right away. you're 15, so you are allowed to enjoy your life from time to time :) if you don't want to be with him, well then that is good enough, too. but i don't think you should let guilt alter your friendship with him. you ahd mentioned earlier that he doesn't know what love is and i suspect you are right. but i'm asking you to consider just hanging with him. it's not like you're engaged or anything. you mighyt want to let him know that you may not want to be steady, rather that you want to be friends. actually, i guess that is implied in the poem. do what you have to do, do what is best for you, and please, please do not beat yourself up over this.
jaycee |
|
|
Re: Everything
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jaycee on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 10:48:28 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
another comment directed to kitty06. you mispelled grammar. if you are going to correct someone, please use the same correctness that you would wish to impose on another
guess what, i'm kidding. there are more important things, y'know. |
|
|
Re: Everything
(User Rating: 1 )
by sride686 on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 12:03:14 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| a good write with a lot of heart. if you don't love then it is best to go. love isn't made its something that you have to have. you are making the right choice if your not in love. bye for now....Steve |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
