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Scars
Contributed by
anonymous1
on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 08:03:29 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
I’ve drifted upon a sea of emptiness
searching with intense eagerness
for something capable of filing the void within me
Emotions held within overcome me
as I find my relief
through a razors edge
It slices deeper than skin
piercing my heart and soul
leaving scars both inside and out
Anger and bitterness flow freely out
though the pain inside lingers long afterwards
as I look into your eyes of disappointment
It is only then that I begin to see
the tears streaming down your face
burning like fire with each drop
A picture of pain shown on your face
as you witness the results of the inner demon
that has cursed my mind, body and soul
This depression engulfs everything
leaving a longing for times past
and an innocence lost long ago
My life changed forevermore
leaving lessons to be learned
and scars as reminders of the past.
Copyright ©
anonymous1
... [
2005-05-25 20:03:29]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Scars
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 09:50:08 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| This is a dark write, but it has a positive ending, which is good. Luckily you now have someone who cares deeply for you....Welcome to YPDC! Scorp. |
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Re: Scars
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kitty06 on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 09:56:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I have a friend who cuts too, so I understand partially what you're going through sweetie. Don't get down though if people send you crappy comments, think of it as constructive ideas.
Your poem has a nice rhythm, that's important in a poem, they don't necessarily have to rhyme.
Try and put more 'touch feelings' into your poem. ie, the line 'burning like fire with each drop' put more of this into your poem. Write the how the blade feels when it slices, when the hot, warm, cold (w/e) blood drips down. Give visuals too, maybe light of some sort reflecting off the blade. A dark closet with a naked light bulb, sunlight, a flashlight, ect. Write how the blood drips, spatters, gushes. Give the poem details. |
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Re: Scars
(User Rating: 1 )
by suicidal_imbecile on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 11:23:54 PM AEST
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a Message)
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***** i hate scars, but... if somebody asked you if you would erase them would you? Would you erase your past? what you overcame? see to this day i still wonder. Also dont think it will ever get easier not to cut, i've been doing it on and off for.... 5 or so years. right now im sitting good, my last relapse was about 3 months ago, so just think positive. and welcome!
kate |
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Re: Scars
(User Rating: 1 )
by ElatedNBliss on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 06:01:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| sounds like u have someone who reallt really cares about u if... they helped u get thru such a hard time like that. ur lucky |
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