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Poem for Susannah
Contributed by
thepizzaguy
on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 08:44:18 AM in AEST
Topic:
happypoetry
|
I sit here
eating McDonalds.
I have grease stains
on my pants,
and drink stains
on my shirt.
A cute redhead with freckles
comes on to the bus
She asks if she can sit with me
so I say yes.
I take my arm
and put it around her.
And she nuzzles her head in to my chest.
I talk to her
as the rain falls outside the window
She tells me she has a migraine.
So I kiss it away.
We lay in each others arms
the entire way home.
Talking, and forming a friendship.
A strong, and lasting friendship.
My arm begins to go numb,
but I don't move it.
My arm is numb,
I'm cold because of my wet shirt.
I have grease on my pants.
But she's here,
So everything's alright.
She's here,
...so my life is perfect...
Copyright ©
thepizzaguy
... [
2005-05-25 08:44:18]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Poem for Susannah
(User Rating: 1 )
by mylady on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 10:38:57 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Your poem is nice... It good you make a friend.
take care: |
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Re: Poem for Susannah
(User Rating: 1 )
by Evshrug on
Friday, 15th July 2005 @ 03:23:03 AM AEST
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a Message)
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knowing what I do, this poem seems like the ride to the end of the tunnel, and back to the light.
As far as the poem goes, it's ambiguous as to wether you are surprised that she likes you and is so forward, despite your filth and stranger status, or wether you are talking about the lengths you'll go to for a lady who will just give you a chance. Both, probably. This poem seems to be like a ballad, or a poem telling a short story. The narrative quality of "Susannah" doesn't do much justice to the feelings that must have been inherent in this situation, however you manage to make me feel like the narrator even though I've never experienced this exactly. The first person combined with the tackling of the present tense are what pull the reader into that bus with you. |
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