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Can't Stand It
Contributed by
writer4life22
on
Tuesday, 24th May 2005 @ 05:42:01 PM in AEST
Topic:
toughstuff
|
I feel so helpless, so ruined, so used.
What is wrong with me?
They tell me it is nothing but why do I feel this way?
I should have tried harder, maybe pushed stronger, yelled a little louder.
It is my fault that this has happened,
They tell me that it is not but I know the truth...
I didn’t say no soon enough, I didn’t persist enough
I can still feel his hands holding mine
Holding them down on the bed,
Making me stay where I am.
His skin is touching mine,
I want to push him off
But I can’t
I can’t push him hard enough.
I can still feel him on me after many showers,
Steaming hot.
So hot I can barely stand it...
But I want him off of me.
I close my eyes.
I can see him laughing in my face.
When I sit in the dark or all by myself
I can hear his voice calling me a *****
His breathing is loud in my ear.
I can’t get rid of the sound... make it go away.
I can’t get rid of my thoughts no matter how hard I push them away.
The nightmares
They won’t leave.
Every time I sleep for just a few hours just to get away from it
It follows me in, haunts me till I wake up in a cold sweat.
What did I do,
I know that I am not perfect...
Far from it I know
But what did I do, God,
What did I do.
I am sorry for what I did
I won’t do it again.
I don’t need this.
Especially with everything else going on.
I am scared
One more thing could push me over the edge.
I don’t want to leave but it may be the only way.
Please forgive me if I do,
Please don’t leave me if I can’t hold on
Don’t be mad at me.
You were the only one I could trust.
I need someone to hold me after the nightmares.
Even though we have been through so much together.
This I cannot share,
I can’t put you through this,
You are already through so much.
I know you want to help me but I can’t do it.
I can’t look at the pain in your eyes when you look at me.
I don’t want you to have something else to worry about.
But I also know that I can’t handle this,
I can’t go through life looking around each corner.
I can’t tell on the person that did this to me for I don’t even know his name.
He could live down the street or just next-door.
I have been through this once and I handled it then
I cannot do it again.
So I know what I have to do...
I know that you will be mad and sad and wish that you could have me back
I can’t let you see me like this for the rest of forever...
I know what I have to do..
I need to say however painful that it is...
I need to say good-bye
Thanks for loving me.
Copyright ©
writer4life22
... [
2005-05-24 17:42:01]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Can't Stand It
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 21st April 2007 @ 03:32:33 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
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This is an absolutely heartbreaking poem and I really feel for you. I hope you can get better someday...
Great poem! |
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Re: Can't Stand It
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 21st April 2007 @ 03:32:34 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This is an absolutely heartbreaking poem and I really feel for you. I hope you can get better someday...
Great poem! |
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