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Lifeless
Contributed by
Blu
on
Tuesday, 24th May 2005 @ 01:40:05 PM in AEST
Topic:
anguished
|
Night has left me alone
stripped me of silence
and watched as I stumbled
Unable to speak
trying to cling
and wait for your passing
But you come around with your song
singing of brilliance and magic
and a life that's less tragic
And it's all I can do to hang on
and keep me from crying
as I burn here with you
How lifeless do you think
that I would have to be?
To not see what you see?
To feel the place you flee?
Love has died once again
tempted me down this dark path
and laughed as I called out
But you answer to my anguished scream
with jealousy and silence
mystery and violence
And I open my eyes to the pain
in this bed that I share with you
How lifeless do you think
that I would have to be?
To not see what you see?
To feel the place you flee?
Everything's burning.
Everything's changing now.
I can't stop the webs
that have already begun.
I can't help but grieve
the prize I have won.
How lifeless do you think
that I would have to be?
To not see what you see?
To feel the place you flee?
Copyright ©
Blu
... [
2005-05-24 13:40:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Lifeless
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kayan on
Tuesday, 24th May 2005 @ 03:41:43 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Wow! The repetition you used
carries the theme through out.
The rhyming is excellent and captures
the emotion you're feeling. Your "angels"
must be putting you through a great deal.
Expressive and brilliant.
Kayan |
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Re: Lifeless
(User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 12:06:39 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Brilliant. This was really good. Great rhyming and word choice. it flowed perfect and great use of repatition..
X+X christina X+X |
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Re: Lifeless
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Wednesday, 1st June 2005 @ 09:25:32 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
That rocks... you definitely did an awesome job on it. The rhythm and rhyming
were original and flowed really really well. Good work!!
~Kara |
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Re: Lifeless
(User Rating: 1 )
by boobiepeach on
Thursday, 9th June 2005 @ 12:50:14 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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| well dont. and good questions |
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Re: Lifeless
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dorkfish on
Thursday, 9th June 2005 @ 02:39:44 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| That was really good. I can see how you can turn it into more than a poem. It could definately be lyrics with a little fine tuning. Great job! |
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