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Bathing in Tears
Contributed by
Essentially9
on
Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 08:49:20 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
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Bathing in Tears
The soap bubbles
Cannot wash away my troubles,
And darkness cannot hide my scars
From remembering the shards
Of glass that are unclear
With the glisten of tears.
The candle light dims
On all of my sins,
And I can only sit in the water
To wallow in these bothers
Of never being the same as I was,
Simply because
He used me till I bled
My sins in red,
And I can't forgive
That he ever lived.
Copyright ©
Essentially9
... [
2005-05-23 20:49:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by Man_On_High on
Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 08:53:43 PM AEST
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painful write..but I like it
M.O.H. |
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 08:59:10 PM AEST
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Jen i loved the first stanza in this, it made me smile for some reason..odd...lol...splindid work jen, as always
~Clark |
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 09:08:02 PM AEST
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Intense write, Jennifer. It is hard to deal with hating someone so badly. Reasons I am sure are there, but it does weight heavily forever. Great write.
Rita |
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 09:13:38 PM AEST
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Jen so very painful and sad.(Michelle stomps off for her club) want me to take care of him for you???
Im here if you need me a pm away
(Im not leaving the site either not gonna let them shove me outta here so I will be around |
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by waos on
Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 10:19:48 PM AEST
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Wow, this really got to me, hun. More than a lot of things that I read.
I could relate to all of it. The lines:
"Of never being the same as I was,
Simply because
He used me till I bled
My sins in red,
And I can't forgive
That he ever lived."
were my favorite. I wish I knew more of what to say. But thank you
for posting this, it's always nice to know someone feels similar.
Good work.
~Kara |
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Tuesday, 24th May 2005 @ 01:08:18 AM AEST
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U touch my heart with your scence of poetic longing, each word is a lament of one who is greiving in her soul, so beautiful r your poems . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Tuesday, 24th May 2005 @ 02:43:48 AM AEST
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Very sad but awesomely written.
Hope u feel better soon.
luv, huggs,
emy |
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by blowfish_jane on
Tuesday, 24th May 2005 @ 05:39:21 AM AEST
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I have to agree with the first comment (i forgot his name LOL) that the first stanza stood out from the rest of the poem. I liked the idea of people bathing in thier tears. Now thats original.
Hugs,
Jane xxx
P.S. Is his name Clarke? |
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by In_a_while on
Tuesday, 24th May 2005 @ 07:29:08 AM AEST
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| wow, that was really, really good. I"m especially fond of the first stanza... to have the imagery of soap bubbles along side the darkness trying to hide scars is a captivating sight. It was very sad and full of emotion that makes it the poem that it is... thank you for sharing it. |
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 01:29:27 PM AEST
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oooo I like this one!!!!
Dark and brooding, intense and sad.
shards huh? I've heard of those somewhere... ;)
I also notice you have been adding tears to the blood more often lately.....someone influence you in that direction??
Excellent write Jenn!!! |
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Thursday, 26th May 2005 @ 01:16:03 AM AEST
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I liked the usage of words like "bubbles" and
"wallow" I cannot remember what those
words would be called, but it is the opposite
of cacophanous. Great poem I liked the
imagery conveyed in the lines, "Of glass that
are unclear/With the glisten of tears." The
imagery I got out of that was fogged glass
because of the endless tears shed. A great,
intense write.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Wednesday, 15th June 2005 @ 08:36:00 AM AEST
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I agree with Clark there is something about the first stanza that brings beauty to them poem and sets the mood. Amazing write painful yet beautiful.
Again you bring color to the poem, keep working with color I think its your style and it always turns out beautiful.
--amanda-- |
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Monday, 25th July 2005 @ 04:53:42 PM AEST
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Oh wow, this is dark...Your emotional expression in this write is painful to read, and it gave me the chills...Very well done with this one Jen...Heartfelt all the way.
Scorp. |
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Re: Bathing in Tears
(User Rating: 1 )
by windowguy on
Saturday, 11th April 2009 @ 10:49:34 AM AEST
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| Superb use of imagery. Great emotional write. |
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