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Ugly
Contributed by
Jimmato
on
Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 01:02:00 AM in AEST
Topic:
toughstuff
|
I spent the afternoon shambling through a corpse of twisted trees
In stagnant pools, on wind swept turf I came upon my knees
Accross the deep and shadowed span I launched my troubled mind
To land in grassy furrows kempt so gentle and so kind.
On straight edged paths both soft and broad I strode throughout the eve
Cloaked by lustrous shade I haunt the life that I would leave
Out of the garden in my mind did come a different soul
And flexed his might at emptiness, leashed under his control.
Again with sun I stumble on a winding muddy path
I've left the dreams and fantasies and now discard my past
For there is no greater shame than to escape from all your fears
By hiding all thats real and ugly displaced by perfumed tears.
Copyright ©
Jimmato
... [
2005-05-23 01:02:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Ugly
(User Rating: 1 )
by evilfairy on
Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 01:10:46 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
hello. :)
i like this one jimmy boy.
and i like the last verse...esp. "displaced by perfumed tears"
also like 'wasted' a lot. |
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Re: Ugly
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 01:42:58 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Awesome writing.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: Ugly
(User Rating: 1 )
by Scarlett on
Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 04:33:10 AM AEST
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a Message)
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i really liked this, a good solid pentameter and good rhyme. great, powerful descriptions and strong images. the only bit that threw me was that the last line was the only that didn't fit into the rhythm but it didn't detract from the overall poem.
brilliant!! |
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Re: Ugly
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 07:47:28 AM AEST
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A sincere revealation of one's soul, very nice
peice of writting . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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Re: Ugly
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard on
Monday, 23rd May 2005 @ 10:05:12 AM AEST
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| Great poem. Title is very apt. Top marks from bernard. |
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Re: Ugly
(User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on
Friday, 27th May 2005 @ 03:53:49 AM AEST
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I intend to be looking more of your writes up ... I am quite impressed by the evenness and gentle flow of these words ... top maks in my book !!!
Nazmythian ~ |
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