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Missing Piece
Contributed by
LonelyDork
on
Sunday, 22nd May 2005 @ 10:53:27 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
I look around myself and see pieces of a broken heart,
Some pieces hold a part of me and others hold memories of you,
I pick up each piece and look at it,
and try to put it back where my heart used to be,
I keep looking for pieces while I think of you and,
How you broke my heart,
When you left and didn't say,
I keep picking up pieces,
To see if I can find a clue,
A clue to why you just left,
I have picked up all the pieces,
Now i try to put them back with glue,
But it will not be the same for there's a missing piece,
I look around to see if I can find it,
Then it all makes sense,
For the missing piece is you...
Copyright ©
LonelyDork
... [
2005-05-22 22:53:27]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Missing Piece
(User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on
Sunday, 22nd May 2005 @ 11:25:48 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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The structure is wrong and the emotions you are attempting to achieve just don't come across in this poem. I think if you tried reworking it with proper structure and better imagery it could work.
Rita |
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Re: Missing Piece
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jimmato on
Sunday, 22nd May 2005 @ 11:36:48 PM AEST
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| I struggled in places to keep going but was glad you resolved all elements really well in the last stanza. |
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