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The Dog Collar
Contributed by
xFaLLeNxFaRiex
on
Wednesday, 18th May 2005 @ 06:04:26 PM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
Bridges collide within the difference.
She's crying.
She sees her cracked tears.
And she knows why they're there.
She feels like she's being walked like a dog.
A dog on a dog collar.
The exact dog collar.
And no one will hold her, no one will love her, no one will tell her she's beautiful.
Blame the dog collar.
The one key that ruins her.
Blame the look, the side view, everything.
The dog collar.
Key of shade.
She's so buckeled in, practically choking from
The dog collar.
And her key won't be destroyed.
Copyright ©
xFaLLeNxFaRiex
... [
2005-05-18 18:04:26]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Dog Collar
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 13th November 2005 @ 04:51:18 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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The phrasing in this poem is really interesting -- I see a lot of adept use of language in this poem.
The difficulty I'm experiencing thought is that I'm kinda confused by this poem. It starts off in metaphor, and then about midway through seems to turn the metaphor into real world actuality -- the metaphorical dog collar seemed to be a physical one visible in a mirror in the last half of the poem.
I could have followed the poem better if it it were clearly expressed that it was an actual dog collar worn as jewelry that had symbolic meaning, or if it were clear that the "she" in the poem was the only one that saw the collar in the mirror. Either way, it would have clarified the perspective of the word pictures, and made it more understandable.
If I could have only wrapped my head around whether the dog collar was metaphorical or actual, I think I would have loved this poem. Obviously though, the writer has great potential. |
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Re: The Dog Collar
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 19th November 2005 @ 06:00:27 PM AEST
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| I see the dog callar, and it makes sense to me, but I doubt it's what you meant...I think the split of the image is important..a reader shouldn't read to criticize the first time..read to relate...and then go on...nice write... |
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