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Torn Asunder
Contributed by
ForeverAlone
on
Sunday, 15th May 2005 @ 04:38:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
Grief
|
It's hard to speak
When your tongue is torn out
And everythings gone asunder
It's hard to breathe
When your lungs are burned out
And your life is gone under
It's hard to see
When your eyes worn out
And all you do is wonder
It's hard to live
When love does'nt turn out
. . .
So you end your life in a sound of thunder
. . .
Copyright ©
ForeverAlone
... [
2005-05-15 16:38:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Torn Asunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jimmato on
Sunday, 15th May 2005 @ 06:55:56 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Loved the poem. Wanted to say more here, something meaningful but can't think of any to do this justice.
Simple, to the point, shocking. |
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Re: Torn Asunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Sunday, 15th May 2005 @ 08:55:36 PM AEST
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| well clark, you fail grammar in this poem. some of your verses didnt make much sense because of a missing word or wrong word used. i dont like the repetition of out for a rhyme. and i dont like the change of rhyme in the first line of each stanza, that breaks format. other than that, it is a good poem. but i know that you could have made this better. |
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Re: Torn Asunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Sunday, 15th May 2005 @ 11:33:57 PM AEST
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Clark I actually like this. It's short and well to the point. I also like it because it's different. The format and the verses are done well. It has it's own uniqueness to it.
Well done my friend and keep up the great work.
*hugs*
~sue~ |
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Re: Torn Asunder
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Monday, 16th May 2005 @ 07:02:33 PM AEST
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This is very emotional, but excellent writing nonetheless. The first three stanzas, especially, are something I have felt very much myself at times. Well written. May your road rise up.
Andrew |
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