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The Thief of Joy
Contributed by
Zeldianus
on
Thursday, 12th May 2005 @ 05:04:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Look what I have made!
Look at how it shines!
Come, see for yourself,
Behold its majesty!
Notice its intricate design:
The gold that swirls around it like a vine.
Liquid silver composing its core;
Studded with gems and making its beauty soar.
This is my creation
And it is grand.
It is my invention
And far from bland.
I have never been so proud;
I want to shout it aloud!
It is like a dream come true–
My ultimate breakthrough.
But as I am walking down the road,
My trinket in hand,
I see a light explode
So brightly my eyes can barely withstand.
Shining as bright as the sun,
This jewel with skill outdone.
I have seen nothing like it before,
Its size as big as that of a meteor!
My heart drops and longs for skill such as this.
My joy disappears, my happiness dies,
My feeling of ignorant bliss
Is gone and I am left only with my dull, dreary prize.
Copyright ©
Zeldianus
... [
2005-05-12 17:04:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Thief of Joy
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Thursday, 12th May 2005 @ 05:08:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
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IM guessing this is a comparision of how life is at times...Very well Done Seth, the rhyme had a few hick-ups but they arnt that noticeable..The message is awesome and the ending makes this great
As always, Good luck and great job
~Clark |
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Re: The Thief of Joy
(User Rating: 1 )
by glue on
Thursday, 12th May 2005 @ 06:13:29 PM AEST
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a Message)
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aaah i enjoyed it very much so.
goood stuff!!@ |
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Re: The Thief of Joy
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Thursday, 12th May 2005 @ 10:40:30 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| what i wonder is why the first stanza doesnt rhyme at all and all of the other stanzas switch rhyme patterns. your first stanza sets the tone of a happiness and excitedness of a child, and it carried through the entire poem as it dwindled into the opposite as all things do that. this is a wonderful poem simply because your talent is shone and you had a great concept to portray, which you did, but that first stanza that is so distant from the rest with the format of the piece kind of took away how much was worked on this. |
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Re: The Thief of Joy
(User Rating: 1 )
by OnAngelswings on
Friday, 13th May 2005 @ 06:27:13 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Seth...this is very good....things will get better...just hang in there is all....Shari :) |
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