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in this
Contributed by
blue_angel
on
Monday, 9th May 2005 @ 08:49:21 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
in this void i am forever portrayed
on this black rock of slate i am slain
in this dark room i am gasping for breath
in this cold world i am asking for death
in this cruel irony that i must live
on this crucifix that i must give
in this tangle of fake smiles, real tears
on this false life must i comply my fears
in this place that has grown chilly and damp
on this broken heart my hand i do clamp
in this place full of pale dreams and hopes gone
on this hell of an earth i dont belong
Copyright ©
blue_angel
... [
2005-05-09 20:49:21]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: in this
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jaycee on
Monday, 9th May 2005 @ 09:17:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Wow, very vivid imagery of despair, verses are very well penned. Read this through a few times and I can't seem to identify where the poem takes life other than it just does. I can close my eyes and see what you're describing, like something out of some horror movie or waking nightmare.
No, you don't belong here, but rather somewhere better. Much better. Unfortunately, I don't know how to get any of us there... |
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Re: in this
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheVoice on
Monday, 9th May 2005 @ 09:32:25 PM AEST
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Great write.
The Voice
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Re: in this
(User Rating: 1 )
by sride686 on
Tuesday, 10th May 2005 @ 03:39:30 AM AEST
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| Wow what to say after that read. You could have spoken this any better and really hit me hard for most of my writes are about the same thing. It was written so beautifully and flowed very well. Also a great choice of words girl you right so well and this is about your finest piece that I’ve read. This world does seem like its filled with fake smiles and real tears. You write a piece like this and people will be like “oh its so good if you need help I’m here“. But you know their not and they will never be and that’s a fake smile trying to cover up your real tears. Take care and know that this write really spoke to me and know your note alone in these emotions I’ve felt them one to many times. I always ask my self where’s my braking point when I wont be able to take anymore. My thoughts are with you and I look forward to many more of these great writes….Steve |
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