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broken again....
Contributed by
cinderella88
on
Sunday, 8th May 2005 @ 09:35:34 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
I put on a happy face
For all the world to see
Always pretending I’m someone else
And never being me
Trying to mend the pieces
Of the heart you broke that night
But instead f trying to fix it all
I just gave up on the fight
Ill never know how life could have been
If id spent it all with you
Because shortly after it started
Suddenly it was through
Forever isn’t easy
To believe in straight away
But I started to believe in it
Now I don’t know what to say
You shattered my forever
And you messed up my life
And with all your cheating and web of lies
You created the sharpest knife
And with that knife you cut me
Oh how you cut me deep
Now all I can do is dream of love
While my heart continues to weep
Copyright ©
cinderella88
... [
2005-05-08 21:35:34]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: broken again....
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 8th May 2005 @ 10:12:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I give you Major Credit for Having the guts to write what you feel. The first verse is awesome. However... I struggled with this for awhile too and some times I still do, some of the lines are slightly choppy and you should experiment with using more then just the average words. like when people use a word for pain, look up the word pain in a thesaurus and see what other words mean the same thing. Also too many people have titles with words like :broken... (it is a good poem, I'm impressed :) ) instead of broken try using words like :shatterd, or distraught? (heh... I may have mispelled...but I will look forward to seeing what else you write. :) good luck. |
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Re: broken again....
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baby_Grl on
Sunday, 8th May 2005 @ 11:11:39 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This was a good write. A very good write!! I give you alot of credit an A++++. Thats how good it is. I have been through this not to long ago maybe 2 weeks ago I should say. But my bf cheated on me with my "best friend", but the love I have for him is so strong I gave him a second chance. I know it sounds stupid but I did. Good poem. great write. I love it so much. Thanks for writting a good poem, it made me unbored. Good write. If you want I hope you read some of mine.
Baby_Grl |
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Re: broken again....
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Sunday, 8th May 2005 @ 11:21:14 PM AEST
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Actually I really like it. You've expressed urself so well and u really convey ur emotions. I commend u for been able to write about it. A truly sad and touching write. Take care.
*hugs*
~sue~ |
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Re: broken again....
(User Rating: 1 )
by Hiddendarkness1705 on
Monday, 9th May 2005 @ 05:40:33 AM AEST
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That was great! For the first time someone actually is standing up for how they are feeling..and you did it beautifully....
I'm sorry that you had to go through that..but you truly did write an amazing poem |
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