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Ever Watchful Eye
Contributed by
Nazmythian
on
Saturday, 7th May 2005 @ 09:48:10 PM in AEST
Topic:
ambiguous
|
~
In a darkness undressed by candlelight
Quiet solitude of sanctuary
She was communing with liquid spirits
Sitting there reposed
Alone, but for the ever watchful eye
~
When, unaware just what possessed her then
Completely comfortable within her skin
It was decided she must capture now
This moment in time
Forever by the ever watchful eye
~
Turning back to front, once around again
No second thoughts of reconsidering
Positioning herself exactly so
Resting on her knees
Contemplating the ever watchful eye
~
She was not being tested by the deed
More so by what she’d do with spirit freed
And in the end the lesson finally heard
Learn to live again
Regardless of their ever watchful eyes
~
( I really have mixed feelings with this one, maybe I shoud have ... I dunno ... )
Copyright ©
Nazmythian
... [
2005-05-07 21:48:10]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Ever Watchful Eye
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 7th May 2005 @ 11:13:31 PM AEST
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hmm.. most interesting. the watchful eye... a webcam?
It seems.... cohesive enough, almost progressive. Certainly a different subject matter than most of your writes. Nice job. J. |
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Re: Ever Watchful Eye
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Sunday, 8th May 2005 @ 02:19:32 PM AEST
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| lol it's weird, because no matter how many times I read this one I always had your author notes in the back of my mind, so I guess I can't help but say the rhythm is sort of lost, maybe a few syllables less here and there, but it was still quite good! I love the subject matter for some reason, and that sense of continuity and having a full-bodied poem where there's a sensible conclusion that ends the story in a different place than where it began, which is surprisingly hard to find at times. I love the repetition too, and you used it to your advantage here. If you feel it needs a bit tweaking though, lol you're on your own : P Great stuff though. |
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Re: Ever Watchful Eye
(User Rating: 1 )
by death_not_be_feared on
Sunday, 8th May 2005 @ 05:38:52 PM AEST
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very interesting like it alot.good write
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Re: Ever Watchful Eye
(User Rating: 1 )
by FleurdeSang on
Monday, 9th May 2005 @ 03:05:35 PM AEST
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We are our own worst critics, cheri. Every verse, every syllable, was woven with the most flawless and steady of hands... Beautiful in its mystical tone, the images were most surely painted, quite radiantly, and the rhythm was exquisite. In my ' ever watchful eye'... there are no flaws, no skips, no leaps... Just an enchanting flow of poetic splendor. Magnificent, as are all of your writes. Merci for sharing this with us, Nazzy! Hope you find the rhythm that will best suit this piece, and maybe.. grace us with another fresh masterpiece. Elegant and inspiring. All my love. Forever,
Your dear friend,
Stephy! |
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Re: Ever Watchful Eye
(User Rating: 1 )
by freckle on
Monday, 9th May 2005 @ 07:10:12 PM AEST
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Nazzy, I liked this poem...it is contemplative. It also draws the reader in and states a good lesson at the end.
Carol |
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Re: Ever Watchful Eye
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Tuesday, 10th May 2005 @ 01:14:07 PM AEST
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Naz,
I really like the first two lines: "In a darkness undressed by candlelight"...."Quiet solitude of sanctuary...." I really liked the wording of the poem generally. The atmosphere of the poem does seem medatative....contemplating, "with spirit "...."learn to live again?"
To me, can she stop stopping herself from being herself, and the "Ever Watchful Eye" her own selfconsciousness?
Well done, my friend
Will
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Re: Ever Watchful Eye
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 10th May 2005 @ 01:48:05 PM AEST
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It has mystery, definate undertones of growth and ....independence?
Great form and no problem with the rhythm!
I find it a very clever and well done write my friend!!! |
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