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Would You Miss Me?
Contributed by
Essentially9
on
Saturday, 7th May 2005 @ 08:24:20 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
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Would You Miss Me?
The pain liquefies
Until the blood bleeds
My hate filled demise
Seen through your eyes.
Blood runs down my wrists
With a life soon to be missed.
Yet, a life doesn't matter
When it's torn to tatters.
A life ends when what could be
Becomes what never was.
The world will never miss thee,
And you can't miss it. Because
You didn't care enough to
Try and get through.
You only knew the pain
That you've escaped
To be what I bleed
Wholeheartedly.
Copyright ©
Essentially9
... [
2005-05-07 20:24:20]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Would You Miss Me?
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Saturday, 7th May 2005 @ 08:32:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
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I extreamly LOVE this poem jen...very flowing lines and amazing messege as well...very good Job jen...and im glad you shared....
~Clark |
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Re: Would You Miss Me?
(User Rating: 1 )
by spazz911 on
Saturday, 7th May 2005 @ 09:26:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i agree this is a harsh poem, showing certain reality to the lines it possess...good job |
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Re: Would You Miss Me?
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheVoice on
Saturday, 7th May 2005 @ 09:48:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Reading this I already miss you
Very strong write. Excellent piece.
The Voice
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Re: Would You Miss Me?
(User Rating: 1 )
by sprinter27 on
Saturday, 7th May 2005 @ 09:58:36 PM AEST
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strong and powerful write. i like it. good poetry- don't end it.
~sprints |
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Re: Would You Miss Me?
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Sunday, 8th May 2005 @ 12:35:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This is absolutely magnificent, strong with
out being overpowering, gets right 2 the core
of the emotions . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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Re: Would You Miss Me?
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Sunday, 8th May 2005 @ 01:03:25 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| *sigh* ok....this was good....again. lol. You've really outdone yourself with this one, and you seem to be linking those lines with more and more efficiency and style. Each line properly flows into another, you don't give the reader room to breathe, and that's a good thing. I enjoyed that second to last stanza for some reason though more than the conclusion. That isn't to say the conclusion was bad, the other one just seemed to hit me a lot harder. I guess it's cause I can easily relate to it or...something. I can never really say that I've become comfortable with any one of your writes to say that you always write in "this" manner or "that" manner, it's always a pleasure to read your varied kind of writes, and this was no exception. The imagery was well done as well, although all that talk about blood and wrists...and...running...lol might have been a tad too strong for me, but only because I just have this weird fear of seeing mine or anybody else's wrists being cut...call me weird. This was an amazing write nevertheless, and I'm being extremely long-winded here *rolls eyes* |
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Re: Would You Miss Me?
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Wednesday, 25th May 2005 @ 11:00:11 PM AEST
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Potent write...I enjoyed this. Well done!
Scorp. |
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Re: Would You Miss Me?
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dorkfish on
Thursday, 9th June 2005 @ 04:35:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| I think it was a bit contradicting. Some parts talk about how you're feeling as the person killing themselves, but then slipped in there is a part about it being wrong to kill yourself? I think it would be great if revised a bit. |
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