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The Sharer
Contributed by
spazz911
on
Sunday, 1st May 2005 @ 08:17:36 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
Can you take my pain again?
Of course…. Smile and grins
Pain dumped onto a broken heart
But taken to help a dear friend last
Over-whelming memories
Of when her own had hurt this bad
Just as strengthened originally
She feels this pain now
Drowned by emotions
Not even her own…
Watches her friend for just a moment feel free
By putting her hurt on one near by
But willingly she takes it
And will always help out
But as time continues
And more there is placed
Heating her own already
Plus this extra share in her shape
When one day her friend comes to her
She finds her dead
The pain of two lives
Has sunken into one life
The problems suffocated an innocent helper
Who only tried to free one more time
And when the giver finds the sharer dead
She doesn’t know how to deal alone
She now has more problems built on her now
One time, one share turned into many
She feels more pain now, than ever before
And soon takes her new way out
She joins the sharer in a heaven, leaves hell
To all those left behind
Two deaths on earth
Fifty more now cry
This issue of sharing, dealt with problems to big
And forced all to end what never was there
One who could not deal
Put her faith on someone else
And when that didn’t work out
It was heaven or hell
The trouble with sharing
Is not knowing when to stop
If to over-powering
Can lead to the end
All because the giver asked
And the sharer said yes
Copyright ©
spazz911
... [
2005-05-01 20:17:36]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Sharer
(User Rating: 1 )
by sprinter27 on
Sunday, 1st May 2005 @ 08:38:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
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aww, kc! I'm willing to share. so is everyone else at our table. see, there's a reason for me not sharing! : ), but i'll share your problems if you tell.
~sprints |
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Re: The Sharer
(User Rating: 1 )
by blue_angel on
Sunday, 1st May 2005 @ 09:44:31 PM AEST
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im trying to think of which position im in... the giver or sharer... i am in agreement with sprints, but hey sprints, youve gotta share too!
luv n hugs,
jennie* |
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Re: The Sharer
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Monday, 9th May 2005 @ 09:03:35 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| i rather like this one, you had some very good verses in this one. your ending, superb. i really liked this ending. quite unique topic also, ive seen some poems that are about the same topic, maybe two or three, but they were not portrayed such as this which was refreshing because i dont really care for the topic. but your ending was good enough to make me care. as for the things that were not so perfect, i think that in the first stanza it should be said who smiles and grins. i think that is the only thing that i saw that could have been better. i can see an improvement in your poetry, which im glad to see. there is a significant difference in this post and the first post that you have. |
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