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Impure
Contributed by
essentially9
on
Saturday, 30th April 2005 @ 09:01:48 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
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Impure
I can feel the coldness
That used to be my love
Now tainted by loneliness
And my impure blood.
We're broken at the seams
With tear filled eyes.
We never were meant to be
With all of love's lies.
I am only as weak
As I want you to think,
And that's not at all,
But my want for you
Brings me to fall.
So I'll be without the love
From the one I need
As all of my blood
And you leave.
Copyright ©
essentially9
... [
2005-04-30 21:01:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Impure
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Saturday, 30th April 2005 @ 09:11:57 PM AEST
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I liked all of it except the last two lines....it didnt make any sence Jen, untill you told me...as always a great write from you and keep up your greatness =]
Clark |
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Re: Impure
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Saturday, 30th April 2005 @ 11:02:25 PM AEST
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A very superb poem about love. Perhaps focusing on a love ending. But I also detect a lot of strength.
I enjoyed reading this poem
Will |
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Re: Impure
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 30th April 2005 @ 11:12:35 PM AEST
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so sad... written so beautifully... hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:-
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Re: Impure
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Saturday, 30th April 2005 @ 11:12:41 PM AEST
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You never cease to amaze me Jen. You're poetry is absolutely sensational. You captivate the reader with the way u convey ur poem. It speaks out loud and enthrals the reader. Outstanding Miss J.
Hugs,
~sue~
PS Thanks for the comments and input on my poems. Deeply appreciated dear friend. |
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Re: Impure
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Sunday, 1st May 2005 @ 02:27:32 AM AEST
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Gives a very clear message i liked it . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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Re: Impure
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Sunday, 1st May 2005 @ 03:50:03 AM AEST
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I am only as weak
As I want you to think,
Awesome writing.
A bit sad yet great writing.
huggs,
emy |
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Re: Impure
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sinned on
Sunday, 1st May 2005 @ 04:39:20 AM AEST
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Essentially9
I read the last two lines to the fact you did yourself in.
Sad,but I like your writing you always amaze me.Keep it up.
Sinned |
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Re: Impure
(User Rating: 1 )
by CJo on
Sunday, 1st May 2005 @ 10:51:28 AM AEST
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| The last two lines, as I understood, meant that your impurities were leaving with the person. I liked your ending. I also really liked the 3rd stanza. Great job! |
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Re: Impure
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Monday, 2nd May 2005 @ 02:03:38 AM AEST
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| impure blood!!..Oh..well wrapped..expressed of a dejected feeling. :-) venkat |
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Re: Impure
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Wednesday, 4th May 2005 @ 07:09:57 PM AEST
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Well said! I love the words you've finally choesn to write this one, and the ending was so solid it truly is something to be praised.
I am only as weak
As I want you to think,
This really stuck out to me too. It's almost as if you made two conclusions here, lol. It was refreshing to get that one momentary thought jammed in there as a reminder to your strength and how much you really let on in said relationship. That one I find myself relating to a whole lot, and it seemed like such a fitting ending, but you kept on going and made an even better one by the end of it. Moving on is something I'm in the middle of doing, and beginnings seem to be quite fun. Lol, even if that wasn't the point of the poem, that's what I took away from it...did I just point out my stupidity? :P Great taste nevertheless!
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