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Never Been Happy
Contributed by
ForeverAlone
on
Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 09:22:04 PM in AEST
Topic:
EmotionalPoetry
|
The rain drops paint me
Like a lonesome sad kid
Forget what you dreamed to see
For I am always
Unhappy
Like the dark cloudy days
When it all seems so gloomy
Without words I want to say
Lonely and sad
Always
My eyes never shine bright
Only dull colors of misery
Etched of my plight
Null and void of
life
. . .
Angel wings lift me up beyond the stars
I have no clue how this is happening
Disapearing are my scars
From this once in a life time
Feeling
As sight comes to my eyes
I see something I hardly believe
I thought alone I would die
Trying to conseive what would never be
Mine
Someone who cares and loves me
Even beyond my own worth
Now my face holds a smile of glee
For the first time
. . .
I'm Happy
Copyright ©
ForeverAlone
... [
2005-04-29 21:22:04]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Never Been Happy
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 09:43:23 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| well i will take this comment a bit differently, by taking it by stanzas. your first stanza seemed unrelated in its topic a bit. and i hate the word kid. its like bones to me, i cannot stand to have it in a poem. 2nd stanza: the flow of this and the tone, suits it very well. 3rd: i liked the flow of the last three lines, id like to see it with rhyme scheme though. 4th: your second line reminded me of a poem of mine which i hate in all respects. i do not like cluelessness in a poem. 3rd line seemed awkward in wording. your last two lines, amazingly put though. 5th: best stanza in this piece. amazing bit of work here. 6th/7th: cant say i really liked the ending, because i predicted it. i also know that you can do better. so clark, you have an okay piece here, but i know you can do better. this is the quality of most poems on this site, and i know that you are far beyond that. i want you to prove it to those here, it is far beyond that. you have proved it before, and with each poem you need to prove it again. the only reason i was critical in this piece, is because i saw a lot of good things and bad things, and i wanted to point them all out. |
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Re: Never Been Happy
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 10:30:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
luv the magic in this healing masterpice
huggs,
emy |
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Re: Never Been Happy
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 10:48:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
I thought this was a really good poem and
coupled with the imagery it really stood out. I
thought the title didn't really fit with the poem
however since it ended with you being happy.
Overall, I liked it though and I thought it was
awesome that there was hope at the end.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: Never Been Happy
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Saturday, 30th April 2005 @ 08:45:21 PM AEST
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a Message)
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awww sweet:) hugs n' love nessa
@->>->:-
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Re: Never Been Happy
(User Rating: 1 )
by Zeldianus on
Sunday, 1st May 2005 @ 11:50:27 AM AEST
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a Message)
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| very well done! very emotional (as a poem should be) |
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