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One Last Breath
Contributed by
essentially9
on
Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 08:32:59 PM in AEST
Topic:
selfstruggles
|
One Last Breath
Hell is closer than Heaven
With all of your coveted sin,
But you still cannot transcend
The inner demons within.
You feigned having golden wings
When they're blackened by the death
That they always lovingly bring
To the ones who wanted one last breath.
It takes only so much pain
Before one throws it all away
To waste all of their days
Fading into unremembered grays,
But I've lost my way through life,
And now I'm closer to Heaven as I die.
Copyright ©
essentially9
... [
2005-04-29 20:32:59]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: One Last Breath
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 09:27:36 PM AEST
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Jen...as always you never fail to produce an amazing piece of poetry...I really liked this one...reminds me of the line is told you...:Heaven is so far, yet hell is so close....=]
~Clark |
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Re: One Last Breath
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheVoice on
Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 09:37:38 PM AEST
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Having been to Hell and looked in at Heaven from its gates, I know of what you write here Jennifer. This is truly awesome...
The Voice
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Re: One Last Breath
(User Rating: 1 )
by DorianChambers on
Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 10:50:28 PM AEST
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Lovely carthasus of internal poetry from the
heart , a revelation of the soul . . .
Dorian Chambers |
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Re: One Last Breath
(User Rating: 1 )
by Willofree on
Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 11:08:07 PM AEST
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Your poem deals very effectively with the very difficult subject of death. Yet, I think, it has a way of offering hope....reaching heaven.
Very skilled write
Will
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Re: One Last Breath
(User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on
Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 11:10:20 PM AEST
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| Where'd this come from!? What a great poem! Lol, I mean, wow. The literal poem you've written seems slightly new to me, only because it's about Heaven and Hell, but not necessarily either. If that makes sense, but all I'm trying to say is I really liked this poem, probably because the ending was made stronger by the first stanza's statement about where you were then, and where you are by the end of it. It was kind of sad when you noted the sense of fading into greys, because that just seems like the worst possible thing to happen to a human being. Amazing write nonetheless! |
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Re: One Last Breath
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Friday, 29th April 2005 @ 11:55:31 PM AEST
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I thought I'd been missing something and
then I remembered I had missed reading
your poems lately. I loved the poetic
bluntness in this poem such as hell being
closer with your "coveted sin" and I loved the
first two lines in the second stanza for some
reason those two stood out. Great poem!
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: One Last Breath
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Monday, 2nd May 2005 @ 03:31:07 AM AEST
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| "closure to heaven as I die"...then we need not be afraid of death..Good write:-)venkat |
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Re: One Last Breath
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Tuesday, 4th October 2005 @ 03:09:29 AM AEST
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Wow. Emotion-packed-punch is all I can say! Awesome new style brought to a neverending concept. I love this write!
The wording from start to finish is excellent. Great job!
Scorp.
(Look who's jealous now) ; ) |
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