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Deceit

Contributed by smiley_jennyxoxo on Saturday, 23rd April 2005 @ 09:05:39 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

I just hate life now
It’s been deceiving
I can’t understand how
You’re not believing
Anything that I have to say
You just don’t know, how it hurts so
I’m never going to be okay
Without a peace between us, to let go
How can this be happening?
My world was once happy and free
Now it’s become sad and confusing
Without you here with me
I just can’t even see
How I can possibly be real
We got along so happily
Until my decision, so surreal
I couldn’t believe I made that
Decision, then I was so blind
I wish you can understand that
I’m sorry and that I find
That you’re still in my heart
You can still make me happy
I just want my life to start
Over again, I feel so crappy
Without you as a part of it
I’d never do anything
With another person, in the pit
Of my heart, it’s nothing
But you mean something
That I considered special
I would give up anything
For you to come again, your facial
Expressions have told me
That you’ve been hurt all along
I would like us to be
Together, for our time was long
Now it has dwindled
I am just here, crimpled

Copyright Â© smiley_jennyxoxo ... [ 2005-04-23 21:05:39]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Deceit (User Rating: 1 )
by Wild_Flame on Sunday, 25th September 2005 @ 11:11:47 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

your poem is good but lacks structure, you need to add to its deeper meaning by given it more of a stanza/form. try to make eveything in the poem a reflection of how you feel, make the whole thing expressive and not just the words.
goodluck with it.

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