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The Lonely Walk
Contributed by
THUGGIN4REAL
on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 06:14:19 PM in AEST
Topic:
dedicatedpoems
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Not much is said on that lonely walk. You think you have friends? Well guess what, you don't. Nobody cares if you breath or talk, cause it's only you that takes the lonely walk.
Name brand clothes are only a set back. Do we really need to dress to impress? What happend to our words? Isn't that whats supposed to be heard? Now it's about who wears what, so I'm gonna smoke me a blunt, on my lonely walk.
They said love was suppose to conquer all, but how many times am I suppose to fall, before I feel it? I just wanted love to abide in my heart, before the darkness took me apart, and I had to take that lonely walk.
The streets kept calling me, and I didn't want to go back because I liked being free, but I have no other choice, because revenge blinds me, and I no longer can see, would you even remember me, when I take that lonely walk.
Relationships are supposed to built to last, but why is it mine always end because of my past, "forever...." That word will no longer last, when I take that lonely walk.
How come nobody helps one another? It would of been easier to be an angel from the heavens above, or maybe died when Jesus did. Then maybe I'd feel God's love, but I don't, cause there is none, on that lonely walk.
I don't know what lies ahead, maybe this is the end of me having those visions of being dead, cause my soul won't ever find its bed, and all these negativity is controling my head. I lost the feeling for it all, so I'm gonna take that lonely walk.
Copyright ©
THUGGIN4REAL
... [
2005-04-21 18:14:19]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Vampirequeen on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 07:12:47 PM AEST
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wow that is really good.
Very interesting to read well done. |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 07:21:07 PM AEST
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Wow!!
You have a wisdom and insightfulness about you that comes thru beautfully in your writes!! I think this is one of the most heartfelt and tatented poem i have read. I really feel you and i wish more people felt that way bout love, helping one another, and not so much on how much money you make or fancy clothes , cars ect. that you own. Keep writing , and dont give up on love or Gods love, i know it seems hard when the world is so #@$%^up but , love is there , I keep telling my self that as well.
Leia |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by sweetoccasion29 on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 07:21:25 PM AEST
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| i enjoyed this it hit home i feel this within my being |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
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by MorningDove on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 07:27:24 PM AEST
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| This is a negative outlook and I can understand it as I used to live it. Personally I found out there also positive in life. We just have to create it. I am not religious but I am spiritual and what you put into the universe will come back to you, ten fold. We alll have to have something to believe in and I choose to believe in me yet I know there is something stronger than me out there. We have free will and if you choose to walk alone that is your choice. If you choose to accept knocks and bumps as part of life and keep going till the good comes back to you, that is also your choice. You are never alone. There are many of us who have thought we walked alone only to find others beside us if we allow them to be. It is your life to live, my friend, you make your choices. If you choose to live, keep writing. It releases the angst and helps us get past the demons in life. Blessed be. Dove |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 07:34:04 PM AEST
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I think we have walked alone before so many will relate to this poem, well expressed, I liked this alot,
pix xx |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by freckle on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 07:43:01 PM AEST
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I love the concept of this poem. It is so true. I have taken that walk before. You convey the hopelessness that comes at times like that. The flow is good, and questioning God is so normal too when you are at that point. You know, our pasts can haunt us, but we can also take control of them, become better for having lived through them, and show others that there really is hope and a way to better your life.
I hope my comments help. The write is good.
Peace,
Carol |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by lovingcritters on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 07:46:13 PM AEST
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Dear TR,
I can't remember when I've every read a poem that touched me as much as yours.
I love the Bible and it says in the end the LOVE of the greater number will pass away! And don't we see that all around us today?
Where is the love, the feelings of empathy for our fellowman? But I try always to remember that this is not God's fault. It's the fault of Man, and when Christ walked the earth he never once let man lack of love affect him because he knew his Loving Father loved him........and that was that was necessary. Likewise for you TR..........he is watching, and the time is near when we will no longer live in a Loveless world.....Chin up and keep writing your feelings down it can really help you endure.
I think your poem was excellent! Keep up the good work!
I'll be reading them
Warm love
Lovingcritters
ConSue |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
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by bonita2689 on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 07:48:45 PM AEST
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Yes I agree with the others, this is very good. It kind of sounds more like a rap to me...though, but its still very insightful and addresses thought provoking issues...nicely done
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Re: The Lonely Walk
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by Kie-Kie on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 08:00:58 PM AEST
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Hey,
This poem really shows what it feels like in thw world lately, everyone's breaking up, getting divorces, etc. everyone's worried about looking good, what's in, etc. It's a lonely road for us that wish to do what's right and think about what really matters, but keep your chin up because eventually the sun does shine and someone comes out to join you on your lonely walk.
Great poem :D I really loved it
*hugs*
Love ya,
~Kiela~ |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by PumpkinPie on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 08:02:58 PM AEST
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Written with beauty and so many emotions ! I'm sorry you had to go through this,but I think we all kind of take that lonely walk (whether it's a small or a never-ending one) at one point in our lives.I felt such uselessness and despair in this write and I felt as though those emotions were real, making the piece all the more attractive and well-written.I liked it,be sure to post more,
PumpkinPie |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
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by Pats4eva7 on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 08:03:01 PM AEST
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| Hey, it's Melyssa...you asked me to comment on this poem so here's my comment...I really enjoyed reading it, it posed alot of questions in my head about life and what the point really actually is...life is full of questions, one's we don't know the answers to and probably wont ever know, but thats what life is about, mysteries. If we could solve every mystery God threw our way would life really be worth it? Or would it be more worthless then you think it is now? |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 08:15:58 PM AEST
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You know, it should just be instinct to run here and read your new poetry. I always find myself liking what you write.
anyways, as always, I love this poem. The message in it is deep, and you bring it across really well. As always very nice job. |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cupid on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 08:25:24 PM AEST
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I think this is great! You really expressed some true emotions in this!
I'm sorry you've had so many disappointments in relationships.
But you've expressed it appropriately.
Wonderful job! Keep it up, THUGGIN4REAL! |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by blue_angel on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 08:36:07 PM AEST
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wow... that is amazing. i reeeally liked it. i too am walking the same lonely walk as you. i cant even put into words what this poem says to me... how much it applies to me... you couldnt have done a better job. but you must know, there is always someone out there... which sounds like really lame advice especially because i cant really testify to have experienced anything wonderful in my life... but keep living on... we would suffer a terrible loss if you ever left this world. its people like you who know the reality of it... that lifes completely overrated. that its not all rainbows and butterflies, but thunderstorms and pain which we also must endure. wonderfully written. thank you.
luv n hugs,
jennie* |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 08:54:19 PM AEST
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OKay...Not many poems that repeat themselves are interesting...you succeed in getting this one to be though... Although it's lengthy, its doesnt get going because of the insiteful messege conveyed....So all In all
Instead of all my talking, I'll get to my lonely Walking...;-]
Clark |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by CrimsonTears on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 08:58:04 PM AEST
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that was great...i liked it alot...i know how it feels...fantastic job
Lots of Love
CrimsonTears |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by HellsLibrarian on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 08:59:27 PM AEST
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| The feelings are there, and powerful, but the technical aspects of your poem need some work. T he flow is not as smooth as it could be, the rythym is flat here and there. There are a few spelling errors and some grammatical errors as well. (Please excuse me if this was intentional, for effect.) Instead of mourning the fact that your walk is lonely, perhaps consider that you could not properly appreicate the happiness that comes your way without it. |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by the_Ghost_Moth on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 09:06:30 PM AEST
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You should reconstruct it
so the linebreaks compliment your phrases
and get it to flow better.
I think that's obvious.
And from one poetic artist to another,
I hope you understand what I'm telling you.
You express yourself very thoughfully
and honestly in your poems,
with a good sense of the art.
I think you want to grow as an artist
and develop your talent just I was
eager to do the same.
You deserve more respect
than parroted flattery.
~
In life only we as individuals
hold the power over our lives
to direct it to personal enlightenment
and fulfillment.
Good luck to you.
--Ghosty
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by bethie on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 09:07:35 PM AEST
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| This is a philosophical question that I've been grappling with lately and I think ultimately we are alone in this world and you have articulated that very well in this poem. It can feel very lonely but then again maybe we are never really "alone". But that's another question. I liked this write alot and am glad to know that people like you, people who feel, really exist. Thank you. |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by cherrycoke on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 09:16:33 PM AEST
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I can tell you have a lot on your mind, and you're talented in being able to express your feelings in such descriptive phrases. i like it and it got better as i was reading it. keep sharing, as they say. check out some of mine too while you're on here. i wouldn't mind constructive criticism from someone new.
c.c. |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by sandysandysandy on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 09:31:27 PM AEST
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| It has been awhile since I read your poetry. This one here is of truth reality of people of today. stay firm and stay in control. past comes and tries you dont give in.. THANKS for reading my 11 yr old daughter's poem. neoneo is her name on here.. real name is valerie... be reading more of your poems in a few days. been busy... |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
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by jmpy84 on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 09:33:49 PM AEST
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well done
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Re: The Lonely Walk
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by SocialMisfit on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 10:26:13 PM AEST
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wow man this is very good, i can honestly relate to these feelings, and i too have had my share of lonely walks, anyhow back on track, very cool poem and very powerfull it has much to offer the reader well done.
SM |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by nabokovfan87 on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 10:38:41 PM AEST
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hmm so many things to say....
well first off if you call that a poem then i am god damn poet. just yea the way ou have it written it is really weak. for example instead of writing,
They said love was suppose to conquer all, but how many times am I suppose to fall, before I feel it? I just wanted love to abide in my heart, before the darkness took me apart, and I had to take that lonely walk.
a stronger version would be
i thought love was supposed to conquer all,
will i feel it or will i again fall?
i simply wanted love in my heart,
but instead by darkness i was ripped apart;
when you add the whole lonely walk thing it makes it crap. i understand this is a little harsh but if i am wrong someone prove it to me. as for the theme i liked it a lot can relate and that is what a good poem needs. on my poems i have very little posted but i have over 30 written. i am fixing them when i am not overly depressed and everything but when i get the time as well. having a computer at dads and not moms isnt the best of cituations but yea. of mine so far i would recommend
silenced thoughts and crushed ambitions
tied to the past
self murder
and lastly
haunted
i believe haunted is my first write ever but i believe the themes of these you will be able to relate to. if enough are interested i will work on my other poems as well. i have been recieveing no comments whatsoever and a little criticism harsh or not would help. all i ask is that you say what you mean and try to prove it a little.
as for your writing to help you improve i simply suggest you just say what you mean. dont beat around the bush and dont get it too complicated. a simply sweet and short poem is a more enjoyable read then a long high-level novel any day. try a rewrite or a new poem but keep at it and eventually you will have a work which you are extrememly happy with. gl in the future and thank you for the request to read your work.
-nabokovfan87 |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by mina-1 on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 11:06:59 PM AEST
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As always my friend ur great work shines out radiantly. I feel the intensity of this poem and the anguish and pain that goes along with it. A strong, thought provoking write. Well done.
Hugs,
Sue |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
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by brokenwings on
Thursday, 21st April 2005 @ 11:43:03 PM AEST
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| Great poem good points made... |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by bigtig6269 on
Friday, 22nd April 2005 @ 12:01:03 AM AEST
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| go head on. you never cease to amaze me. Trust me, I know the feeling of having to take a lonely walk. It was either walk away or go to jail for killing the guy that my girlfriend left me for. We met up in a parkng lot and I walked/ran 5 miles before that night was over to try and vent my anger. Very well written. I know you already have about 300 comments on this one, but I figured I'd help out some to. BTW, Nobokovfan87 has no idea what he/she is talking about. His/her style is that the same as yours. there is nothing wrong with that. Great poem, and keep em coming |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by nabokovfan87 on
Friday, 22nd April 2005 @ 01:11:18 AM AEST
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| btw whoever it was i do know what im talking about and i mean seriously just read what he has and then read the 4 lines rewritten it is an easier smoother read. i feel that when you read a choppy write like this the strength is decreased and the magnitude of the feelings is greatly lowered. by making the reader decifer what they are reading it makes it a much higher level read which might work but most of the time it doesnt. and for the record i am a guy not a he she and i have read many poems with this same thing accuring. where the writer tries to say to much to fast. to have a sucessful write that is simple and strong the shorter and more brief the better. |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sinned on
Friday, 22nd April 2005 @ 07:53:01 AM AEST
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My friend
Excellent ! I don't know what Ican possibily add. sakes alive:I gave you a five. This is one of our best writes : ) I found it full of heart felt emotion feelings just jumped out at me. I love it.
Sinned |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Friday, 22nd April 2005 @ 09:46:02 AM AEST
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this is a really interesting poem. i enjoyed it alot. i've been down this road before. keep ur writin up.
always.
-Courtney-
~XOXO~ |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Concrete_Rose on
Friday, 22nd April 2005 @ 10:12:30 AM AEST
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| I was honestly moved by this poem, it really touched a hidden place in my heart, we all feel this way sometimes, but do not feel alone, i'll take that lonley walk with you....together we wont be alone.... |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by justme03 on
Friday, 22nd April 2005 @ 04:51:15 PM AEST
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| Hey, good poem. I liked it and i've felt this way before. |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Keila on
Saturday, 23rd April 2005 @ 04:29:30 PM AEST
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the poem works for the way things are,
it is life in its truest form |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by UnfallenTears on
Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 11:31:45 AM AEST
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hmmm... good write. There were a few mistakes that took away from it and sort of distracted me, pardon my honesty. But that is the only negative thing I have to say, and I wanted to get that out of the way. Your poem is very real and brutal. Somebody can write down something and call it a poem... but here is definite and raw feeling, and that marks a true author. Hold onto whatever keeps your feet on the ground and keep writing.
_-Unfallen-_ |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by savedbydeath on
Monday, 25th April 2005 @ 10:30:29 PM AEST
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i really liked this poem.but please realize that yes ur negativity is taken over all ur thoughts,yeah sure the grass is greener on the other side,but the grass is only as bright as we make it,awesome write,always look forwards,not backwards,keep up the great job!!
savedbydeath |
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Re: The Lonely Walk
(User Rating: 1 )
by Hannah_Heaven on
Tuesday, 26th April 2005 @ 10:00:35 AM AEST
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well there isnt much more for me to say except brilliant,its answered all my questions,and the structure of the poem is unbreakable,i dont think there much to say all the other people have commented,alot of them actually lol...
read some of my poetry too thanks love han xxx |
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