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I'll Look To You
Contributed by
fielding88
on
Tuesday, 19th April 2005 @ 09:26:48 PM in AEST
Topic:
hbadday
|
When the world has lost its way, ill look to you.
When there’s no kind words to say, ill look to you,
Ill look to you…
I don’t know why
They want to hurt me so.
In a world so cold
The only warmth I know is you,
Is you…
When hope for the world is gone ill look to you,
When it’s nothing to count on ill look to you,
Ill look to you…
If it’s up to me
To change this place,
In the name of love
Ill be its saving grace, for you,
For you…
If my efforts were in vain ill look to you,
When I can’t stand the pain ill look to you,
Ill look to you.
Love is a word
That’s tossed around,
But I truly feel
That I’ve finally found it in you,
In you…
…But it lost its way,
And I had nothing to say.
They hurt me so,
And you’re the warmth I know.
…But all hope was gone,
With nothing to count on.
I had to change this place;
I was its saving grace.
…But my efforts were in vain,
And I couldn’t stand the pain.
So I looked to you,
I looked to you…
…But you looked away.
Copyright ©
fielding88
... [
2005-04-19 21:26:48]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: I'll Look To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Tuesday, 19th April 2005 @ 09:57:26 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| well this would do well as a song because of the repetetive nature. i liked the ending very much so, i guess we are in competition over who can write the better ending now =], just kidding. i would say this is a bitter sweet flavor. hrm....maybe you should look to yourself next time. |
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Re: I'll Look To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by ForeverAlone on
Tuesday, 19th April 2005 @ 10:08:35 PM AEST
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The repeditiveness is not something I enjoy in most poems, you pulled it off here marc..nice job and the whole scheme is very thought out...great job
Clark |
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Re: I'll Look To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 23rd April 2005 @ 03:27:19 PM AEST
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A song , yes....this would do nicely as one.
and the endinding especially is well thought out. |
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Re: I'll Look To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by breny on
Sunday, 24th April 2005 @ 05:22:10 PM AEST
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lol Marc. This reminds me a lot of Crash and Burn by Savage Garden. Sorry that's just what popped in my head when I started reading this. This is soooooo good! Wow!!! I know exactly what you are talking about! This poem really shows how well you write poetry and it has deep feelings. I'm surprised at how well it relates to me and my feelings at the moment. WELL DONE! I like it a lot! That's all I can come up with to say at the moment so I'll just say... great write as always! Now I'm guna go read it again lol.......
your friend,
~Brenna~ |
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Re: I'll Look To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Wednesday, 27th April 2005 @ 02:51:31 PM AEST
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Very lyrical, beautiful styling, Marc. Well done! A pity your love could not be returned.
Andrew |
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Re: I'll Look To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Thursday, 5th May 2005 @ 06:52:12 PM AEST
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| Lots of good lines in here, I really liked the second last verse...What I wasn't feeling was the 'echo' at the end of most of the verses...For me I found it distracting, and it took something away from the write as a whole...There's definitely talent there though, keep writing. Scorp. |
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Re: I'll Look To You
(User Rating: 1 )
by xXcrossedXx on
Wednesday, 22nd June 2005 @ 07:04:50 AM AEST
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Surprisingly I found the reptitivness a bit annoying here and I see that you need it to make your ending as breathtaking as it was (by the way this was my favorite endings from you!) but I think you could find a different way to put in the "ill look to you" and "is you/for you" Maybe the extra line at the bottom of the stanzas were a little much, this is more like a song and if you think about it that way I can deal with the repetivness so I guess this is another phenominal piece! Well done Marc, you're truly an amazing writer.
--amanda-- |
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