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The Face of an Angel
Contributed by
ForeverAlone
on
Tuesday, 19th April 2005 @ 08:17:40 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
Previously my face ashen
Now in eminent convalesce
From deluged compassion
And avalanching tenderness
The iridescent love I grasp
As you hold me higher than my own worth
Calamity transcending past
As you relinquish me a new birth
Pained malevolent agony
Suffered from a profane razor
Now instead discreate my misery
With the face of an angel
...
Her eyes start to bleed mascara
As the drips of love amplify
The ebony tides of a new era
Saturate my heart bled dry
...
Giving me life
All in thanks, to the angel of mine
Copyright ©
ForeverAlone
... [
2005-04-19 20:17:40]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Face of an Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on
Tuesday, 19th April 2005 @ 09:39:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| your last two stanzas were very good. even though you like big words, you dont need to use them so that you use more big words than smaller ones. as my english teacher told me, if you write so that no one understands, dont expect to be understood. also the rhythmn that you usually have is gone in this piece, because it seems that you were trying to write the most intellectual piece of poetry alive, and not write about the topic. you had some very good rhymes though, and you know how i like rhymes and good endings, which this had both. |
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Re: The Face of an Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by SocialMisfit on
Tuesday, 19th April 2005 @ 10:48:58 PM AEST
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i like the use of big words here, evin tho it is a bit overdone i still appriciate the intelect required to use such words in a poetic manor, all in all a good poem.
SM |
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Re: The Face of an Angel
(User Rating: 1 )
by DoubleS on
Monday, 13th September 2010 @ 11:56:39 AM AEST
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| It's ok |
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